Silent For Never
by captainxx
Summary: Matthew is fostered and has been mute since he was 6 when his mom and dad died. He is not noticed unless people want to abuse him and is very depressed and suicidal. One day Gilbert a new German student moves to Courtney High where he notices the silent Matthew. All he can think is, 'how can the awesome me fall for a mute boy who I shouldn't even care about'
1. Prologue

Silent for never

Couple: Prussia&Canada or Gilbert&Matthew  
Summary: Matthew is fostered and has been mute since he was 6 when his mom and dad died. He is not noticed unless people want to abuse him and is very depressed and suicidal. One day Gilbert a new German student moves to Courtney High where he notices the silent Matthew. All he can think is ,'how can the awesome me fall for a mute boy who I shouldn't even care about'

Prologue  
(Gilberts POV)  
I can't believe my dad is moving to San Francisco.

When I was five my mom got a new job there and took my brother with her. My dad had a really good job here and didn't follow her because of it and I stayed with him. Both of my parents kept in contact all those years. I'm sixteen now and how they managed to still love each other over skype and shit, I have no idea. Well my dad scored a job in San Francisco and is moving back with my mom and dragging my ass with him.

If your wondering why I'm mad at leaving to see my mom and brother who I haven't seen in eleven years , it's because I'm leaving my friends. Without my awesomeness around they'll fall to pieces. The Bad Touch Trio will only be two soon.

Since I was so reluctant, dad packed all of my bags for me and quite literally dragged me to the airport. How dare someone even think about dragging the awesome me around. Man my dad is strong. My friends Francis, Antonio, and Alfred (not part of The Bad Touch Trio) said goodbye to me as I entered the terminal.

Flying from New York to San Francisco took a blunder on my patience. I mean how long does flying across country take.(I'm too awesome to count myself)

Kind of tipsy from jet lag I immediately passed out on the living room couch - Gilbird on my head- without saying hello to my mother or brother. It's not like I was happy to be here, especially in the middle of the school year. And saying hi to my brother could wait.


	2. Chapter 1

**First chapter.**

**I tried to keep mistakes at a minimum. Sorry if there is the occasional grammer mistake.**

**Warnings: child abuse, cutting, PruCan though the last one is not a bad thing.**

**I'm thinking of adding slight GerIta. ****Sorry if I made the characters very slight OOC. **

**I don't own Hetalia, sadly.**

* * *

Chapter 1: We met in art. I scared him.

(Gilberts POV)  
The next morning I woke up to an obnoxious rapid banging on the front door. Anyone in this house going to get the door… I guess not. Groaning I crawl off of the couch and slink to the door.

Getting annoyed by the banging I throw open the door angrily saying "Awesome here. Vho are you?"

"Ve~ Feliciano, but you can call me Feli. You must be Luddy's brother. I'm one of his friends." he said happily. The person in front of me was a brunette with a curl poking out of his hair with the widest grin I've ever seen.

"Luddy?" I looked at him. "You call Ludwig, Luddy?"

Feliciano nodded enthusiastically. "Luddy is very nice."

"OK, vhatever you say."

"Can I come in?" he asks.

I looked him in the eyes. "I barely know you. Vhy should I let you in?"

Behind me a voice scolds me. "Gilbert let him in."

I turn around. "Oh, Ludwig vhat a nice surprise." I say sarcastically. He was over six feet tall, about half a head taller than me even though I was the eldest. He still had his blond hair and cold eyes and muscled stature. He is what I had expected. Ludwig looked like a younger version of grandpa.

"Ve~ Luddy!" Feliciano squealed while running passed me to hug Ludwig. I looked questionably at this making sure 'Luddy' saw my expression.

"Feli vill you get off of me" he asks Feliciano. Then pushes away the brunette.

"But Luddy you're my friend" His eyes glimmer at Ludwig.

"Let me guess he is kind of over touchy feely?" I direct the question to Ludwig. He nods. "One of my friends was like that his name was Alfred."

"Really" he asks. I nod.

"He also saw himself as a 'hero'."

"You guys school is about to start." Feli pipes in.

Shit. I look at the clock to notice we had fifteen minutes to get to school and had no car.

We ran to Courtney High. The entire three miles. Except for Feliciano. He can't run very far and gave out half way through and Ludwig had to carry him the rest of the way.

Looming in front of me were tall iron gates wide open revealing a beautiful building. Three stories of brick sculptured to look dominating. Gargoyle statues stood on either side of the large doors leading inside. The steps were made out of white marble. Inside large lockers and classrooms were lined up along the hallway. The floor was covered in emerald green tile.

This is a public school? Still, An awesome school for an awesome me and I haven't gone to class yet. Shit. Class. I had been too absorbed and slowed down. Ludwig had disappeared from sight. Luckily looking at my time table my first class was near the entrance of the school. I barely made it there before the late bell. (If your wondering how Ludwig and I ran three miles in fifteen minutes, we have German blood and are just awesome like that.)

I was immediately greeted by an old teacher with black hair. She wore a purple dress and had a menacing glare. She obviously didn't like me by a certain glint in her eyes.

"Hello I'm Ms. Crebberty." she spoke like she was pissed. She looked like it.

"Hallo" I spoke simply annoyed by her tone to me.

"Next time you better be here quicker to my class young man. I hate tardiness. And what the heck is on your head? Is that a bird?"

I shrugged her off. "Yes it's Gilbird. Now vhere do I sit."

"You're the new student. Gilbert Beilschmidt." she read off a chart ."Take the seat in the back and get rid of that thing."

"That 'thing' is a he." I said just to piss her off while walking to the back seat.

Sitting down I gently take Gilbird off of my head -smoothing down the nest of hair he ruffled up- and slid him into my pocket, where he began to get comfortable. I loved the small yellow bird.

"I had your brother last year" The teacher who I decided I would call Ms. Crabby stated. "He was more well mannered."

"Like I care."

She obviously hated my attitude. To hell with her. She can suck my balls for all I care. Bitch. And I know I'm judgmental. Deal with it!

The grueling horror that was science finally ended. Too many equations there. Since when did science involve math? Whatever.

Art next. YES! I love art. I have anger problems and drawing keeps my mind clear and all that stuff. I'm awesome like that and German. I'm actually half German the other half Prussian. No one knows about Prussia anymore and if they do, they don't care. My brother is full German. Don't get German and Prussian confused. We had different moms. I'm older. Though I don't look it.

After about three minutes of going this over in my head and getting very lost and back-tracking in the large school, (because I'm too awesome to ask for directions.) I arrived at art.

In art the teacher put me in the back to wait for the other person that sat there. Everyone had to sit at a two person table with a partner. I was just imagining what kind of partner I would have. The teacher said my partners name was Matthew. I hope it's someone hot. Boy or girl. (I've met plenty of girls with guy names.) I'm not picky, just too awesome to be straight or gay, so I'm bi. Just clearing that up. Don't judge me.

I watch the door and some more students join the class followed by Feli and a boy that looks exactly like him except for slightly darker hair, with his curl on the other side of his head, and his lips pursed in annoyance. He was being dragged in by Feli.

"Hi Gilly!" Feliciano shouted waving happily and coming over to me.

"Gilly?" Questioned the boy he was dragging.

"That's not my name Feli. It's Gilbert." I corrected "And vho is this?"

"This is Lovino, my older brother!" Feliciano grinned. "He's kinda mean sometimes though."

"Why'd you drag me over to this asswipe?" Lovino sneered.

"He's Luddy's brother." The younger of the two cheered happily, ignoring the cuss word Lovino had said.

"This is Ludwig's younger brother? They look nothing alike." Lovino stated.

Slightly annoyed at him for thinking I was younger I corrected him, making sure venom dripped from my voice. "Bruder is the younger one."

"Really." He laughed. "He's like a head taller than you."

"Feli you might vanna get him away from me before I do something I von't regret." I say, shooting Lovino icy glares.

"Good idea." Feli dragged away his brother to their seats.

"Yeah really funny Lovi~" I called in a sing-song voice to annoy him. He stopped laughing and growled back. He obviously hated the nick-name.

I smiled at my accomplishment and glued my eyes to the door again. Many other kids came in, but no one sat next to me. When I though everyone had come in a final boy drifted through the door. He had messy blond hair with a single long curl sticking out of the mess and was my age. He wore a ratty baby blue sweatshirt with a hood and jeans way to big for him, but he kept them held up by a thick rope. Clasped in his arms was a stuffed bear and the creepiest thing was large bags hung under his eyes making it obvious he doesn't get that much sleep. Hell. It looks like he doesn't sleep at all. Lastly around his neck he wore a bronze maple leaf.

Also. Guess what. He sat down in the seat next to me. I decided to be nice for once, because I can be nice. And he looked depressed and kinda cute.

"Hallo. Your Maddhew?" I ask nicely, but my German accent tripped over his name. My voice caught him off guard and he jumped in his seat. Then shakily he looked at me and nodded.

"Uh… Vhat's up. Are you okay."

He nodded again.

Looking into his eyes I could tell he wasn't alright. Also somehow he looked familiar.

"Do I know you?"

He shook his head.

This boy hadn't spoken a word to me. A question popped in my head.

"Can you speak?"

He nodded.

"You choose not to, don't you."

He nodded again. I noticed Matthew had started to grip his bear harder.

I chuckled. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I don't hurt people unless they piss me off."

This seemed to startle him even more.

I sighed. "OK. Lets start over. Hi I'm Gilbert." I gave him a smile.

His eyes went wide.

"Shit" I cursed. I had forgotten my teeth are unnaturally sharper than a normal persons, especially my canines and smiling at this guy made him grip his bear even tighter to his chest and bite his lip in fear.

"Trust me I von't hurt you. Also I don't intend to."

This didn't seem to help my case.

"I'll stop talking now. It only seems to freak you out more."

(Matthew's POV)  
He scares the maple out of me.

He is sitting right next to me. His name was Gilbert and I could only think of ways he could kill me. In my eyes he looked very homicidal. He had silver hair, sharp teeth, and red -like the color red not red as in crying- eyes. Not to mention His clothes were even frightening. Connected to the top of his jeans were chains that freaked me out remembering past memories I'd had with chains. A red hoody covered his plain black tee and a thick chain with an iron cross hung around his neck down to the middle of his torso.

He might try to slaughter me, or slit my neck when I'm not looking, or eat my flesh with his sharp teeth. No guy that looks like that can just be nice. He also mentioned how he hurt people that make him mad. I don't wanna make him mad. People get mad at me for random reasons. I don't want to die.

Another thing that caught me off guard was unlike most people he asked me if I could talk and then if I chose not to. Usually the people that talked to me would get mad at me for not speaking. They never even asked if I could speak or if I wanted to. They would just get agitated at me and abuse me to try to get me to speak. Gilbert seemed to just take that I just didn't want to speak and was scared. He stopped talking to give me some room and I was grateful.

I haven't met anyone this nice since I was six, before I went mute. The only one that ever liked me was my brother. He promised he would find me. He never did. We were separated at the age of six. People had always never seen me. I was invisible to the world. The only ones who see me are the ones that want to hurt me.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when the teacher started explaining what we would be doing today in class. Our view of the world. The way we saw the world as it is right now. We could use paints, watercolors, colored pencils, pastels, and whatever else we wanted to use.

Immediately I knew what I wanted to do. Grabbing the watercolors I began to form my vision. By the very end of class my painting is finished.

Remembering someone was sitting on my left, curiosity gripped me in it's hands. I was taught not to be curious, but Gilbert's painting could help me size up what he might do to me. Looking over I saw the most dreadful thing.

On Gilbert's paper he had drawn the entire thing in pencil. The picture was of a ruined city. Flames scoured the buildings and it was raining blood onto the streets. Many of the buildings had broken windows. The people were zombies with flesh falling off of their bodies. They seemed to be fighting each other. Bodies littered the road that had been made to look as if it had been hacked by a chainsaw. Graffiti of dark colors scattered the place. In the very center of the street a black hole appeared to be sucking in the city. I never knew there could be that many shades of gray. At the very bottom of the menacing picture a single script read: What had become of our dear life? Does anyone care anymore?

By just a glance I know those words will haunt me for a long time.

(Gilberts POV)  
The way we saw the world.

I saw it as run down and deceased. To me the world has fallen apart. There are too many wars and politics makes it worse.

When I was done I looked over my awesome masterpiece. Perfect as always. I saw Matthew looking at my picture with a horrified expression. He gets scared too easily. Why?

Looking at his picture it seemed he was skilled with watercolors. His picture showed a black sea. Under the sea a faceless angel was sinking, one arm desperately reaching for the surface made of white light. The angel was slowly being consumed by darkness as flames grabbed him. Not even angels belong here. was written in bloody letters at the top.

This is how he saw the world. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

The bell rang. On my way out I handed the teacher my picture -receiving a strange look- and left for my next class. The rest of the morning went like this; Boring classes that I'm too awesome for leading up to lunch. Lunch. I'm starving.

* * *

**Please review. Reviews help me write.**

**Translations-**

**Bruder:(German) brother**


	3. Chapter 2

**I was able to transfer files I know I said I would update the 24th, but I got the next chapter. Yess sorry for the delay. the seconde chapter. I've got most of the third chapter written up. I just need to type it.**

**Warnings: cutting child abuse ect...**

**I don't own.**

**I have internet back! Yay. I update!**

* * *

Chapter 2: Whips

(Gilbert POV)

Walking across the lunchroom with my tray I spotted Lovino, Feliciano, Ludwig, and three other people. I took the empty chair next to Feli and he hugged me against my will.

"Hey! You need permission to hug the awesome me." I informed him while prying his arms off of me.

"Sorry!" Feliciano exclaims. "I don't wanna make you mad." He begs.

I sigh. "It's OK."

"Who is this. Da?" One of the three other guys asked him. The dude had a Russian accent.

"He's another potato bastard." The eldest Italian sneered.

"He's Luddy's older brother Ivan." Feliciano started before his brother could continue speaking. "Gilbert this is Kiku, Yao, and Ivan." Feli gestured one-by-one to the three. Ivan being the Russian, Kiku being the Japanese guy, and Yao being the long-haired Chinese dude.

"Sup. I'm the awesome guy in front of you." I greeted with a grin.

"Shut it potato bastard." Lovino snapped.

"Ooooohhh, Lovi~ Temper. Temper." I cooed to annoy him.

He growled.

"Fratello don't do what I know your going to do." Feli pleaded to his brother.

"Fine." he grumbled.

Remembering I'd forgotten something, I pulled Gilbird out of my pocket and held him up.

"Oh… I forgot. Meet Gilbird."

Four people at the table looked at me like I was crazy, Ludwig let out an annoyed sigh, and Feliciano looked at my bird in amazement.

"What the fuck?" Lovino asked confused.

"A Canary, retard." I answered.

"Not that, Gilbert-san but, why do you have it in your pocket?" Kiku asked.

"Because the teacher yelled at me for having him on my head, so I slid him into my pocket." My answer just received more deeply confused expressions.

"I've just met you and I already am wary of your current mental health, aru." Yao said.

"Everyone that meets him feels like that." Ludwig told Yao. "You just have to deal with it."

"Is that right Ludwig?" I ask innocently. Though I knew that all of my friends back in New York City had flaws too and we felt through it. If they can get over my quote "current mental health" than we could be friends. The awesome me needs friends that are caring. Lame I know but, the awesome me needs someone to back up on. Did I mention I'm awesome?

"Yessss." at that I gave him a creepy smile that made everyone at the table shrink except for Ivan. I wouldn't expect the tall Russian to be put down by something like this. He returned it with an equally creepy smile.

"I like you." He said.

"Now that you've met Gilbird do you like him?" I asked the group, continuing to smile.

"I think your sanity is at stake." Lovino commented.

"Deal vith it or love it." I cooed.

"Do I have another choice?" He asked, trying to keep calm and comply to his brother's request.

"Is anyone going to answer?" I asked.

"He's adorable!" Feliciano squealed and began to pet Gilbird.

Gilbird didn't like the action and fluttered up on top of my head and nestled into my hair.

"He's on your head now." Ludwig pointed out as if it wasn't obvious.

"No, no Gilbird. Your not allowed up there." I spoke to him while grabbing his body and pulling him off my head.

"Is talking to a bird normal for him, aru?" Yao asked Ludwig.

Ludwig nodded. "He is very strange."

"You do know I can hear you." I shot at Ludwig.

I put Gilbird away into my pocket, him giving a chirp and began eating my lunch as Feliciano decided it was a good time to start rambling on about pasta. I looked around the lunchroom to see a lone figure sitting in a corner against the far wall. He was sending scared glances at me and when he noticed I had seen him he curled into a ball. Matthew.

(Matthew POV)

He noticed me watching him. Oh no. He's going to hurt me. It's clear he is very dangerous and strange. I mean what's up with the bird? It was in his pocket. Also it is his first day here and he already has friends? What kind of person is that sociable? Gilbert sees the world as a disgrace but, is being all happy go lucky. That creepy smile doesn't help either. He definitely is a predator. I can tell. He is just waiting to get me alone to hurt me. That's what always happens. Sometimes when there are witnesses but, they don't do anything about it.

This is running through my mind as I'm curled in a ball.

Then I shot away from the lunchroom as fast as I could, lugging my grimy messenger bag behind me only to run into someone I didn't want to see.

The person noticed who I was. "Hey mute boy." He said. "I was bored. Now I have some entertainment."

My bully, Cruz. And I knew what kind of entertainment he was talking about. Cruz grabbed my collar and threw me up against the lockers. I blacked out for a second. The pain ripped through my back. And by ripped through I mean it actually ripped through re-opening wounds from just yesterday. Vertical slashes running down my back oozed and I cried out falling to the floor. Cruz raised a fist and brought it down into my stomach. He raised his arm once more. I closed my eyes to wait for impact. Then…

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IINNNNNGGGGG! The bell rang.

"You are sooo lucky I have class." Cruz sneered and spat at me. He was right I was lucky. Cruz calmly walked away down the hallway as people began to fill the hallways. They paid no notice to me, as if they every did. (sarcasm if you didn't pick that up) Hauling myself to my feet I scurried to the nearest bathroom and locked myself in the largest stall.

Dropping my bag and bear, I pull off my shirt and sweater. I could already feel the blood dripping down my back. Pulling out the emergency gauze I kept in my bag and began to tend to my injuries. Unwrapping the old bandages that were soaked in blood I rewrapped my torso. The many slashes down my back -old and new- only brought back bad memories.

Just yesterday I received new marks for accidentally coming home a bit late. It wasn't my fault Cruz decided to beat me up after school rather than during. The end result was me unconscious behind the building and coming home late to start my chores.

When I was successfully done I pulled my shirt and sweatshirt back on. Throwing the bloodied gauze out I looked to make sure my bandaged wrists were covered up by the hoody and left for my next class. The teacher would probably not remember me let alone realize I came in late.

I slid into class, not being noticed as I walked to my seat.

M-maple!

Sitting in my seat was Gilbert. I gripped my bear and hesitantly tapped his shoulder as not to anger him. He was looking out the window and had not noticed me yet. I tapped again a little harder than before. This got his attention.

"Ja?" Gilbert grunted and turned to me. His red eyes looked me up and down.

"Hallo Maddhew." I was shocked. He remembered who I was and my name? Not even the teachers remembered me until they looked at the role. Getting out of my faze I pointed to myself then to the desk he was sitting at.

"This is your desk?" He asked.

I nod.

"Ok you can sit here." Gilbert pointed to the seat in front of him.

I didn't want to sit there. I liked the window seat but, I didn't want to get on Gilbert's bad side.

"Gilbert." The teacher said. "Stop talking to yourself."

"Talking to myself?"

"Yes, now stop."

"I'm not talking to myself. I'm talking to Maddhew." He gestures to me.

"Who? There's no one there." The teacher counters. Looking at me or rather through me. I was used to it. Many people don't realize I'm here.

"Vhat! How can't you see him?" Gilber asks.

The teacher looks closer, making me feel uncomfortable. "All I see is open air….- oh. Hello …uh…" He finally noticed me.

He couldn't remember my name.

"Maddhew." Gilbert said to him.

"Yes that's it. Matthew you should sit down. I didn't see you there. Now back to the lesson you two."

I look to see Gilbert is really confused. I sit in the chair in front of him and try to listen to the lesson.

(Gilbert's POV)

I was confused for the rest of the day. How could the teacher not see him. He acted as if Matthew wasn't standing right in front of him. Matthew seemed to see as if it was normal but, I could see a small pang of sadness in his eyes when the teacher couldn't remember his name.

I'm being caught up with one person. How is that possible.

I couldn't help but question why Matthew seemed surprised that I knew who he was. Is he used to being forgotten or something? What's up with this? Matthew is strange and I need to find out more about him.

Wow I've never, I mean NEVER been interested or concerned about someone before.

_TIME BREAK to the __end of last class_

BBBBBBRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNGGGG !

The bell shocked me out of my thoughts. For the rest of the day I couldn't get him out of my thoughts. What is so special about Matthew? Damn it!

Huffing I go to my locker and grab my things out while stuffing some things in and leave the school. I'm immediately met with some Cuban dude pinning Matthew against the wall.

"Now resuming to what I didn't finish during lunch." The Cuban punched Matthew in the stomach.

"Hey dude. " I call to Matthew. Trying to seem casual, I saunter up. "I need your history notes." I didn't want to fight, so might as well lie and get him out of it that way.

"What?" Asked the Cuban.

"Vell…" I started. "I vasn't paying attention during class und Maddhew promised me that I could borrow his notes."

"How can mute boy here promise that? He doesn't have any friends and doesn't speak."

"I'm his awesome friend! That means he has a friend. Also he doesn't need to speak because he can vrite it down." I stated firmly.

"So…." The Cuban couldn't come up with anything else. I took that as an opening.

"If you vouldn't mind. I need him"

With an unsatisfied grunt he dropped Matthew. Matthew then grabbed his messenger bag and bear and hid behind me. I didn't know he was that fast.

The Cuban dude shot me a glare and stormes away.

"Vhat vas that about?" I ask turning around. No one was there. Matthew must have run off. Wonder where he went?

"Gilly!" Someone shouted. Feliciano waved me over to him, his brother, and Ludwig.

"Ja?"

"Are you walking home with us?" Feli asked smiling from ear to ear.

"Sure. I'll come."

"Oh, no. We're not walking with the crazy potato bastard!" Lovino shouts in defiance.

"Buuuut, Frateloooo~" His brother wines.

"No. I can barely deal with the regular potato bastard. I'm not spending time with his brother." Lovino growls.

"We are only walking home. Pleeeaase~" Feliciano gives him the most convincing puppy eyes I've ever seen.

"Fine." He grumbles.

"Do you always do vhat your brother asks you to Lovi?" I ask him purposely adding his nickname.

"No. But if I make him sad or depressed I'll get an earful from nonno." Lovino mutters.

Feli took this as a cue to start rambling on about how wonderful their grandfather is.

It's going to be a long walk home.

(Matthew's POV)

I was saved. Someone actually remembers me. Too bad he'll probably forget me by tomorrow, heck, he has probably forgotten me by now. I bury my chin into my bear, Kumajirou's, fur.

I had dashed away and was running home. Cruz had held me up and I was going to be late. Dad is going to kill me. Being late has no exception.

I arrive at my doorstep. Trying to be as quiet as possible I slip inside. I take a careful step towards the stairs and out of nowhere glass smashes next to me against the door. Alcohol splashes to the ground and glass shards lodge into my shoulder and arm. Someone had thrown a bottle.

"Wher doya think yer goin'" Slurs a chilling voice. I look up to see greasy hair and eyes that could cause your blood to freeze.

I shake my head.

"I asked, Where. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Going? He intervals the words and they come out less slurred I press back against the wall."Oh. Right you don't speak." He grabs my shirt and yanks me forward. Kumajirou and my bag fall from my grasp as my dad pulls me out of the living room and through the back door. I can easily smell the scent of alcohol that emanates around him. He was already piss of his ass drunk and it was only three.

"Wouldn't want to messy the house with blood." He sneered and threw me outside. "Do. Not. Move."

I was too scared to move anyway.

My dad walked inside to get something. I knew what that something was. I hated him.

Soon he walked back out. Her following him. I hated both of them. They weren't even my real parents. Just foster ones that I had to deal with for around nine years now. I cringed in recognition that my dad, John, had the one thing that I hated most in this world.

He had gone inside and retrieved his whip.

Syndy (Foster mom) leaned against the door, beer in hand ready for a show. Unfortunately for my sake that show was John beating me.

He walked closer to me and sneered. "You know why I'm going to do this right. You came home late. That means you deserve this."

Before I could give any recognition he brought the whip down. Hard. That's when my vison got blotchy. The braided leather of the whip had sliced down my left shoulder leaving a gash that was fortunately not to deep. I gasped as the whip was brought down again. All sounds of pain I had, had been lost years ago.

Syndy was smirking. How this pleases her I don't know. Sick bastard.

John continues to slash my torso until what is left of my sweatshirt is flimsy shreds, my body was covered in blood, and all I could feel was pain.

"Remember to come home on time and this might not happen. Now get cleaned up and when your done make dinner. Also," He added. While I was forcing myself to stay conscious. "Whatever blood you track in you need to clean up later." He scowls at my form. "You're a disgrace."

I stiffly nod, refusing to look into those pools of hatred.

John and Syndy retreat back inside. I forcibly drag myself upstairs, clinging to the rail of the stairs like a life line. I felt sick from blood loss. Nausea flushed through me. Luckily the bathroom was next to the stairs and once inside I collapsed on the toilet, what little I had for breakfast coming up into the bowl. Also some blood.

My body fell against the cold tile floor. I couldn't feel it though. The only thing I felt was numb. Slowly I slide my fingers up to grasp the leaf that hung around my neck. Tears rolled down my cheeks as a ringing in my ears got louder and everything around my went black. What was left of my consciousness left me like everything else.

My last thought was, _What did I ever do?_

* * *

**Please review. they help alot. Im thinking of starting a new story too at the same time as this one. to keep the juices flowing, so I don't run out of ideas.**

**Translations:**

**Fratello- brother (Italian)**

**Nonno- (Italian)**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey updating again. this chapter is a bit shorter than the others. **

**Warnings cutting, child abuse ect...**

**I don't own. Though if I did... uh you don't need to know what imma thinkn'. **

* * *

Chapter 3: Razors

(Gilbert's POV)

Upon arriving home I began to unpack boxes of my stuff. Unfortunately my dad had decided to be an ass. He had brought in everything except for my stuff and when I asked Ludwig about it he answered quote, 'That I was asleep and since I didn't help with anything else I had to carry in my own stuff'.

Many boxes later all of my stuff was in the basement. You herd me the basement. I get the basement. The awesome basement. Everything had been removed from the space so that I could sleep there. It was mostly just random storage.

Feeling bored I search around the boxes until I come across the box labeled 'Electronic Crap' in my awesomely scrawled handwriting. Shuffling through the box I find my laptop and plug it in, setting it on my bed.

Turning on the device and logging in to Facebook I check to see if any of my friends from New York are on. Francis, Antonio, Alfred, and Arthur were on. By the looks of it they were all video chatting together. Joining I find Arthur and Alfred arguing over something and Antonio trying to break it up but, all he could do was talk. It wasn't like he could pull them apart or anything. Francis had also joined the argument and was mainly fighting with Arthur.

They hadn't noticed me yet. That is unacceptable.

"Vell." I say loudly. "Is your conversation (it was defiantly not a conversational more of them verbally assaulting each other) more important than the awesome me vho is your best friend? It is not."

They seemed shocked then happy.

"Sup dude!"

"Hello Gilbert."

"Mi amigo!"

"Gil!"

I was greeted cheerfully like I should have been in the first place.

"Ja, hey guys! How have you all been doing, because I've been doing awesome." I ask with a smirk.

"Amazing mon ami…." Francis continued talking about a hot chick he had layed the other day. Lucky bastard.

"Nice dude." Alfred cheered.

"So Gilbert. You meet anyone cute or dashing?" Francis grins, asking in his French accent.

"Some." I answer, getting up to start unpacking. The laptop faced the entire room.

"Reeeealy?" Francis purrs, suddenly interested. Looking back at the screen I see that all four of them were seemingly interested, even Arthur a little bit.

"Vell…" I started pulling a very large flag from one of the boxes. "The chicks vere nice all though some of them vere really hot."

"Really?" Antonio asks.

"Ja."

"So, any guys worth looking at" Alfred asks.

"Not that many." I answer truthfully as I start to hang up the large Prussian flag that I had pulled out.

Alfred gives a wine. "Awwww!"

"There vas this one guy though-"

"Whowhowho!" I am cut off by Antonio.

"This guy named Maddehew." I reply.

"May I ask what is he like?" Arthur asks in his gentlemanly britishness.

"Quiet. Vell actually… he doesn't speak period."

"Realy! He's mute! How can he stand to be silent?" Antonio exclaimed in astonishment.

I chuckle knowing that he doesn't stop talking. No wonder he's astonished. He can never shut up long enough to even be quiet. Silence is far out of his reach.

"Antonio, shut up. I want to learn more about this boy that 'as caught Gilbert's attention." Francis snapped. He looked back to me.

Taking out more things from many boxes I continued. "Seems like he isn't noticed much at all. It even took a teacher time to realize vho he vas. Und he also seemed to act like if it vas normal, like he is forgotten a lot."

"Oh my god!" Alfred exclaimed. "People forget him! If anyone forget me I'd make them remember! But like they would ever forget me. I'm the hero!-"

Before Alfred continued on one of his hero rants Arthur cut in. "Shut the bloody hell up you git."

Continuing (again) "The dude looks sleep-deprived. Vonder vhat keeps him up? Anyvays he's really good at art. I mean really good. Though he seems very depressing."

"Maybe he's lonely. As you said people look like they forget him a lot. Probably needs a friend." Antonio grins. "It also looks like you like him."

"Sure." I supplied though otherwise confused.

"'e means you like, _like_ 'im" Francis explains picking up on my confusion.

"Huh." I ask raising an eyebrow. "I'm too awesome to like anyone that vay!" Defending myself. "If it's anything it should be him to be groveling in my greatness!" I scoff.

"Sure." Francis chimes. Arthur mutters something around the word "git". Before I can start anymore he stops me. "So you make any friends!"

Deciding to go along with it I continue on about how I met Ludwig's friends and yada yada yada…

(Matthew's POV)

The monstrous pounding in my head woke me up. I was lying on the bathroom floor. A pool of blood surrounded me. The sad thing was this was a normal occurrence In my groggy state I shove myself to my feet. As to not fall I lean up against the porcelain sink. The shirt I was wearing now in tatters as new long slashes muddled my chest. The old scars covered by new. I was shaking and slipped to my knees. My vision, still blurry from tears had started to return as the blackness faded away. Sometimes I wish that it would never end.

Just blackness for the rest of my existence.

Forcing myself up for the second time. Looking around I saw the tile floor was stained with blood, the sink had crimson hand prints scratching down the sides, and the toilet still had the remains of my breakfast in it. Outside the sun was still in the sky and I was only knocked out for a couple of hours. Reaching under the sink I grab one of the spare gauzes (we had spares because John didn't want me to die from blood loss and quote, 'If I was dead who would make him food or bring him beer', lousy drunk.) and re-wrapped my torso. At least he rotates form using his whips and his bare hands. (This time I was lucky he didn't use the chains.)

Stumbling to my bedroom that can only be called a closet. It was a closet actually. All I had was a blanket, a few spare sets of clothes, my bag, Kumajirou, and the bronze maple leaf that hung arounf my neck. Changing into one of the sets of clothes I go back to the bathroom and clean off as much blood as possible.

Following the trail of blood in which had been left from me hoisting myself up the stairs. Using the guardrail that was also covered in bloodied hand prints I tripped down.

Still following the trail through the living room I push my bag and Kumajirou out of the way (so John won't destroy them like everything else.) today he didn't destroy anything, because I got home in the nick of time to be his punching bag. Once in the kitchen I set to making John and Syndy dinner. They are probably still drunk and hanging out in their bedroom.

In about half an hour the food was done and I needed to tell them that their dinner is ready. Walking past the back door had made me shudder and flinch back. Oh so many times I had been dragged back there.

Once at the door that sheathed the two ruiners of my life. I timidly knocked. The door slammed open, almost hitting me if I hadn't dodged John stood there and as I had guessed he was drunk.

"Whadda ya want?" he slurred.

I pointed towards the kitchen.

"Is dinner ready boy?"

I nodded. I ignored the fact that he called me boy and not my real probably didn't remember it and could have cared less.

John drags Syndy to the kitchen. I hear him mutter "Stupid, dumb ass mute boy."

Hoser, I thought.

They ate exceedingly slow and sometimes just randomly burst out laughing in the middle of a conversation. Morning is going to be hell for them and guess who gets to deal with it and clean up the puke. Me.

I stood on the side waiting for them to finish. I was not permitted to eat until they were done and only got what was left.

A sudden crash sounds. I look over to see a broken plate smashed on the tile.

"Ooops!" John sarcastically says. "Weess er don." Translation; we are done. John walks out with Syndy on his heels.

Walking over and carefully picking up the shards I discard them into the trash. Finding what food was left I quickly ate it. After scrubbing down the plates and silverware I move onto wiping down the table. Grabbing a bucket of soapy water and a rag I head to the back door and kneel down. Being this close to the door makes me remember what happened only hours ago. Sliding the damp rag along the dried blood I work to get all of it off.

Rinsing off the bloodied rag I move onto the trail. A long time ago I hated doing this, as time went by I learned to just clean it up as quick as possible. Getting to the stairs I clean the individual steps and the rail. In the bathroom I rid the sink of the crimson hand prints and the floor tiles.

When I was done I dumped out the bucket and grabbed my bear and bag. Setting the bag in the corner of the closet I sit down on the blanket. I pulled Kumajirou to my chest and buried my face into his fur. Hoping for no nightmares tonight, I lay down. Running my thumb over my left wrist I feel the horizontal scars. I fell into the dark abyss that is dreams.

(Gilbert's POV)

I layed back onto my bed. My unpacking had been finished and my room was livable now. Closing my eyes I welcome the bliss of sleep.

* * *

**Reviews welcome. hoped you like.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Next chapter up.**

**Warnings: Cutting child abuse ect...**

**I don't own it.**

* * *

Chapter 4: Memories

_July 1__st__, 9 years ago-_

_The first thing Matthew and Alfred heard were terrified screams. They were familiar voices of the brothers parents. _

_Both Matthew and Alfred shot up in the bed they shared. They shared a bed due to the fact that each other made themselves feel safe. (Not the fact that Alfred swore there were ghosts.)_

"_W-what was th-that, eh?" Matthew stuttered in his quiet voice. He pulled his stuffed polar bear close._

"_It sounded like mom and dad." Alfred choked out. "They might be in trouble. We have to save them." **(****A/N This is how Alfred got his hero complex)**_

_Alfred and Matthew climbed down the stairs, Matthew still holding his bear, and cautiously peered around the corner. _

_What the two saw next will forever be burned into their memories. Left there to haunt and slowly rot them from the inside out. _

_In the middle of the living room stood a tall man with a gun. By the look in his eyes he was drunk and far gone mentally. He had the gun pointed directly at the brothers parents. _

_He let go a shot. _

_It was aimed at the mother, but before she was hit the father jumped into the bullets path._

_The bullet went through his chest. He fell to the ground in a heap, blood forming a pool around him. _

_Matthew quickly covered him and his brothers mouth to keep from making any noise. Tears streamed down the two boys faces. As much as they wanted to run they couldn't. Horror kept them bolted in place as they watched the scene unfold._

_The intruder looked to the boy's father to see that he was still breathing and his eyes were open enough to keep looking on._

_'oh still alive are ya. Then you can watch me kill yer wife.' The man with the gun smirked and fired a shot that went through the mothers head. _

_Tears fell from the fathers eyes and the second one hit the floor another bulet had loged itself in his head. _

_Matthew and Alfred's eyes widened. No this has to be a dream, they thought. _

_It wasn't._

_They knew if they were to be spotted their lives would be taken also. Both of them ran to their bedroom. _

_'He'll kill us!' Alfred wispered as to not make too much noise._

_Matthew nodded._

_The two pushed open the window and crawled out onto the fire escape. Matthew hugged his bear close as they climed down to the ground from the second story. Once they touched ground the brothers ran to the woods to hide._

_Hiding behind some trees the two clutched onto each other. They were all each other had. _

_Smoke rose from the house as it burned. Red, orange, yellow, what were once beautiful colors began to destroy the only home the boys had ever known. As the colors brought down the house and the intruder with it. The man that had killed their parents, took his own life. _

_Police sirens could be heard in the distance. The nieghbors had called 911. They were too late._

_Matthew and Alfred stood there still in their nightgowns, staring in horror at the house._

_Soon the police showed up. And the two boys ran up to them. The police chief didn't know what to expect when he pulled up to the flaming house. He sure didn't expect for two children to come running up to him, crying, and hiding behind him as soon as he stepped out of the car. _

_'What is it boys?' He asked the small children, who were scared out of their minds._

_'Papa, mère...' Matthew whispered, switching into french, before crying into his bear. 'Porquoi...'_

_The chief had taken french in college and understood what he was saying. He thought of asking what that meant, but the boy didn't look like he wanted to talk, so he turned to the very slightly taller blond. _

_'Your parents? What happened?' He asked Alfred._

_'Th-they were killed by psycho dude.' sobbed out the blue eyed twin._

_'Is that your house?' The chief asked, pointing to the flaming building. _

_Alfred nodded._

_'What are your names?' _

_'I'm Alfred.' The shorter-haired twin said._

_'Matthieu.' whispered the violet eyed boy, still speaking in french. _

_'Ok, I'm the Chief. I'm going to take you somewhere safe, ok?'_

_Both nodded. The chief opened the door to the police vehicle and the two crawled in. They were still clutching to eachother, the policman noticed. _

_'We're heading to the station.' The chief told them, then. 'Nous allons à la station.' For Matthew just in case._

_He drove them off, what had just happened fresh in their minds._

_The worst thing was that this day was Matthew's sixth birthday. Alfred's birthday being three days away._

_This day haunts Matthew everynight since no matter how much he wishes it wouldn't._

* * *

**The next morning.**

(Matthew's POV)

After making John and Syndy breakfast and leaving it in the refrigerator, I leave for school. Cluching my bear to my chest and having my bag across my shoiulder I began to walk. Halfway through I hear somthing.

"Matt. Vait up."

I stopped and turned around to see Gilbert running up to me and stopping in front of me.

"Hey." I stood still, shocked by the fact that he remembered me. Let alone remembered my name.

Gilbert waved his hand in front of my face snapping me out of my thoughts. "You spaced out."

I nodded.

Something stirred in Gilberts hair and it fluttered over and landed in my messy locks. Gilbert stood looking at the fuzzy bird in my hair.

"That... has never happened before." Gilbert said. "He must really like you und that makes you awesome. I think I'm gonna call you birdie from now on."

I give him a confused look.

"Ok birdie ve probably need to get to school now or else ve'll be late." My eyes widen. I can't be late John will be mad. That's when I ran.

(Gilbert's POV)

For some reason he began to run.

"Hey." I called after him I ran to catch him, but this dude is increasingly fast.

When I was close enough I reached out to grab the back of his shirt. My hand latch onto something and I pulled. I stopped. In my hand I held a bronze necklace with a bronze maple leaf hanging on it.

* * *

**This is the end of this chapter.**

**Translations:**

**Papa-(French) Father**

**Mère-(French) Mother**

**Porquoi-(French) Why**

**Nous allons à la station-(French) We are heading to the station**

**Review**


	6. Chapter 5

**Next chapter**

**Warnings: Child abuse cutting ect...**

**I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 5: No Title

(Gilberts POV)

I stood looking at the bronze leaf in my hand. The bronze of the necklace looked old and withered, but in good condition. I ran my hand over the metal and gently scratched off a bit of flakey, reddish-brown that covered the detailed oak leaf. Was it blood? Why would Mathew have dried blood on his necklace? It looked recent. What had happened for newly dried blood to be on it? Not to mention I barely noticed that Matt was limping slightly.

Why did he run suddenly when I told him we were going to be late? He's also jumpy and forgotten a lot. This guy is so confusing.

But something worried me. Blood+jumpy+limping. That wasn't a good combination. As a bonus, that creepy Cuban, but I doubt he caused whatever happened between the last time I saw Matthew and this morning. But the signs pointed to the fact that Matthew might have been hurt. And when I find out who did it I'm going to punch their lights out.

Hmm. I've never been so protective of someone before. This is strange.

Shit. I'm going to be late again. I ran until I got to school, but unfortunately I was ten minutes late. I guess I stood there too long staring at birdie's necklace. totally un-awesome. And for being late I had to stay during lunch. Fucking teacher.

Well history went over unsuccessfully. So did PE 'cause I decided I'm too awesome to participate. Then Spanish was a bitch(How does Antonio even speak it?).

During lunch the horrible history teacher made me color the entire board in chalk, then erase it all up. If that wasn't fucking all she made me clap the erasers clean, successfully covering me in chalk dust. Which earned me stares from my next two classes. My last class, Chemistry, wasn't all fucked up.

I walked into the chemistry classroom and up to the teacher, who gave me a weird look. He told me to introduce myself. So everyone knew about my awesomeness. Well he might have not said those words exactly, but it's what needs to be done!

I walked up to the front of the classroom and scanned the room, seeing that we were set in partners, just like art, and some of Ludwig's friends were here. Ivan and Yao were paired up and Kiku was sitting alone. Scanning some more I noticed Matthew in the back corner sitting alone. I flashed him a smile causing him to shrink back in his seat. Why wasn't he paired with Kiku since they both don't have partners? Never mind that I needed to inform these less awesome people (Not including Matt) about my awesomeness.

Everyone was talking and not paying attention to me. That needed to change so I acted accordingly; First I yelled at them.

"HALLO BITCHES! I'M THE FUCKINGLY AWESOME GILBERT!"**(A/N I just had to do that)**That got their attention (And the very annoyed teacher's too). "Keseseses. Now that you guys are paying attention I'm going to introduce myself. I'm your new awesome classmate. I am Prussian und if you don't know about Prussia then google it because it's vay more awesome than you!" I turned to the now very annoyed teacher "Vhere do I sit?"

"Next to Kiku." She grated out. I sat down and tried to listen to the teacher as she began going over the periodic table. I couldn't focus the entire time and only bits and pieces stuck, the rest went in one ear and out the other. Fuck Chemistry, but did you know that salt can be made using the periodic table? Yah.

After class I gathered my stuff and walked out of the school and started to look for Matt. I needed to give him his necklace back. I know how I would feel if my cross necklace was gone, I'd search every nook and cranny for it. It was given to me by my grandfather before he passed on it meant dear to me. I trailed my eyes over the surrounding area before I spotted Mattie walking off the school grounds.

I ran up to him. "Hey birdie!" He stopped and turned around, giving me a confused look. I guessed it was from me still being covered in chalk dust.

He nodded at me. I guess it meant hi.

"Hey I accidentally grabbed this vhen I chased after you this morning. You might vant it back. Und sorry." I pulled out the necklace from my pocket and his eyes widened when he saw it. In a flash Matthew grabbed the maple leaf and held it close to himself. He looked up at me with grateful eyes and firmly clasped the chain around his neck.

"Ja sorry about that I didn't mean to grab it." I looked at him with pleading eyes.

He nodded.

"Oh by the vay vhat's your number?" I held out my phone to him. Matt looked at it as if he was having an internal battle before grabbing the phone and clicking a few things into it and handing it back. I looked at it and saw birdie's number. "Thanks I'll call... vait text you." I remembered he didn't speak so it would be useless to call him.

Matthew flashed a small smile at me before running off.

I stood there looking at the place where Matthew once stood thinking of how adorable he looked smiling. He should do it more often.

Then someone walked up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts. That kept happening lately.

I turned around to face the person behind me. It was Ludwig.

"Bruder- vait are you covered in chalk dust?" He gave me a confused look. "Do I vant to know?"

"Vell this bitch of a teacher-"

Ludwig cut me off. "Never mind I don't vant to know."

Feliciano ran up and wrapped his arms around Ludwig and began to talk really fast. "Ve~ Ludwig can I come to your house. Fratello has detention and nonno won't be home. I don't wanna be home alone!" He gave Ludwig puppy eyes.

"Fine." Ludwig sighed. "Now vill you get off of me?"

I laughed and we began to walk back to my house, Feli babbling on about how Lovino cursed out a teacher and got a detention.

(Matthew's POV)

I was worried about my necklace. It was my mothers. She died when I was four and when she was in the hospital she gave it to me just hours before her death. All I knew about the bronze maple leaf at the time that it was my mom's most prized possession.

Now it is the only thing I have left of her besides Kumajirou, which was given to me by my mom and dad when I was three.

When my mom died I lived with my dad and his wife. I had actually been a mistake. One night my dad had gone out drinking and gotten drunk. He met my mom that night and nine months later I was born. My dad's wife had been mad of course. They still stayed together and left me and my mom alone to our bidding while they took care of their son who had been born a few days after me. My dad still came over on my birthdays though and would call me on Christmas He was a good man that made a mistake. While my mom was in the hospital I was being cared for my dad and he would take me to see her. His wife didn't like that, but understood why he would go. When she died all custody was given to my dad since I didn't have any relatives close by. My mom was Canadian and her family lives in Canada. My dad's wife, even though she didn't like my mom took me in and treated me like her own son. My twin Alfred and I looked nearly identical besides the fact that I wore my hair long and it was slightly waiver than his, also his eyes were a sky blue and mine were more violet. I was loved by my mom and then by my dad and his wife. I called all three of them my parents and loved them.

That's why my world came crashing down when my dad and his wife died. I had lost my mother and then them. Not to mention the fact that I was ripped away from my brother.

Walking into the house. I looked around and saw no John or Syndy. I remembered that it was their anniversary and they would be out drinking and then show up sometime tomorrow was a good day. I had narrowly avoided Cruz, my necklace was returned, and I don't have my foster parents here. One night of peace.

Suddenly my cell phone beeped. I opened it up and found it was from 'unknown'.

From: unknown

To: Birdie

hi its Gil ;)

.

apparently Gilbert decided to text me. I set his number and texted him back.

.

From: Birdie

To: Gil

hi

.

A couple seconds later my phone beeped again. I sat down on the couch in the livingroom and read it.

.

From: Gil

To: Birdie

hey want 2 hang out

.

I thought it over. John and Syndy wouldn't be back for a long time. Though I debated about Gilbert. He seems nice though he might have thought about killing me. On the other hand he remembered me.

.

From: Birdie

To:Gil

u arnt going 2 kill me

.

He replied back.

.

From: Gil

To: Birdie

no y would i kill u

.

From: Birdie

To: Gil

ok i can come over

.

From: Gil

To: Birdie

ok my address is *** ******** **(A/N I was to lazy to come up with something)**

**.**

From: Birdie

To: Gil

ill be over in five minutes

.

From: Gil

To: Birdie

k

I put away my phone and walked out the door and began heading to Gilbert's house. It was only a couple minuets from mine.

* * *

**Please review.**

**Translations:**

**Nonno- (Italian) Grondfather**

**Bruder- (German) Brother**

**Fratello- (Italian) Brother**


	7. Chapter 6

**Next chappy! Also I am writing a /new story at the same time as this one . I just started it it's called Trapped in Walmart. The name gives it all away. I'm still going to update weekly.**

**Warnings: child abuse cutting ect...**

**I don't own Hetalia.**

* * *

Chapter 6: More Memories

_September 15th, 9 years ago._

_Alfred and Matthew had been living in St. Mary's Orphanage **(A/N It's just a random name) **for just over two months now. Alfred had been loud and socialized with everyone and would even chat with the caregivers. Matthew would read the books that the orphanage had and would always talk in a quiet voice and seemed incapable of being louder. The one thing that the workers at St. Mary's noticed was that the two always stayed at each other's side as if attached at the hip, they even would sleep in the same bed together._

_The workers just thought it was just the bond between them had gotten stronger since the incident. All of them had been warned about the two and that no one knew of the effects that would have been caused with them going through something so traumatic. The file had been given to all that were hired at St. Mary's that would take care of the twins. When they first read it they thought it was a hoax and demanded to be told the truth. When they were told it was not a lie all of them could only feel sympathy for the twins. They had been told to record a status report to see if any thing was wrong and if the incident had messed with them too much. _

_The reports went as following-_

**_Name: Matthew Williams (Birth mother's last name) _**

**_Age: six_**

**_Time in orphanage: two months_**

**_Info:_**

**_At first we couldn't identify which twin was which. We got the names right when we started to notice differences in the two. Matthew is quiet, non-sociable, likes to read, keeps to himself, polite, and wore a strange, what looked to be a maple leaf necklace, while Alfred is the opposite(See details of Alfred in other file)._**

**_At first Matthew only spoke in French. We assumed it was just trauma until we asked them about it and Matthew gave us a confused look and began speaking English. The twins explained that he sometimes switches into French without realizing it. He was raised until he was four by his birth mom and she taught him French and that when she died and he went to live with his birth dad and his wife they had to teach him English and he took it like a duck to water. _**

**_So far he has read a lot of the books here. He has even started the Wizard of Oz, and at such a young age! _**

**_As far as him being sociable he hasn't gone far. All he does is stay by his brothers side. He doesn't talk to the other children or even try to make friends. He seems to be Anti-sociable._**

**_Matthew always carries around a stuffed polar bear which he named Kumajirou._**

**_There seems to be not a lot of things to observe except for the twinly bond between the two. _**

**_._**

**_._**

**_Name: Alfred F. Jones (Birth father's last name)_**

**_Age: six_**

**_Time in orphanage: two months_**

**_Info:_**

**_Alfred is in one word energetic... and the complete opposite of his brother (see details on Matthew in other file). He is always loud and is wearing down the energy of the staff, but can always bring a smile to your face. He has made many friends so far and gets along with everybody. His crystal blue eyes definitely make him stand out. _**

**_He also loves the hamburgers that we make here for lunch sometimes._**

**_He has some trouble with reading, but not that much._**

**_Alfred seems to have a 'hero' complex. He always calls himself a hero and can rant for hours about how Captain America is his favorite._**

**_The one thing that was strange is how though he and his twin were opposites of each other they stay by each other's side. Their bond is closer than anyone has ever seen._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

_A couple of hours later after the reports were turned in an E-mail came in. It was from the couple that had been looking at the twins. They had also been sent the report to help conclude their decision. The E-mail read:_

_We have made a decision and decided that we want to adopt. But due to the fact that we are only financially stable to adopt both we are adopting only one of them. We are Adopting Alfred. All of the papers were sent in and we are picking him up in a few hours. We regret not being able to adopt both of them._

_sincerely,_

_Tom and Lilly Clark_

_Alfred was being adopted. The staff decided to keep it a secret and surprise him. _

_5:30 September 15th, 9 years ago._

_The Clark's arrived and walked up to the two boys. The twins were sitting side by side; Alfred chatting with some other boys, Matthew engrossed in The Wizard of Oz. The Clark's could not distinguish who was who at first like many others, but by using what they had read from the status report they could conclude that Alfred was the lively one._

_"Hello!" Lilly greeted the two._

_Matthew looked up shyly from his book and responded. "B-bonjour." He greeted._

_"Sup!" Alfred also greeted in his loud voice._

_"We are here to adopt you and bring you home." Tom told Alfred._

_"REALY!" Alfred jumped in joy. "Ya hear that Mattie? We're being adopted!"_

_"Uh, actually we're only adopting you Alfred not Matthew. We're sorry." Lilly regrettably told them._

_"W-what." Matthew clung to a surprised Alfred._

_"We need to go to your new home now Alfred." Lilly gently told him, knowing how close his bond was to his twin._

_"B...But I don't wanna leave Mattie!" Alfred wailed when Tom decided to grab his wrist and get him away from Matthew._

_Matthew on the other hand held tightly onto Alfred. Two staff members saw that it was going to be hard to tear the two apart and held back the kicking Matthew who was desperately trying to get to Alfred who was being dragged away. Alfred was using as much force as Matthew in trying to get to his twin. By now both of them had tears streaming down their cheeks and Alfred was wailing. _

_"MATTIE!" Alfred screamed. "I'LL FIND YOU AND BRING YOU TO MY SIDE AGAIN!" That's when the unthinkable happened._

_"LAISSEZ! ALFRED!" Matthew screamed. This surprised the two men holding him back and Matthew almost slipped out of their grasp. They regained their senses and continued to hold Matthew back as he sobbed. When Alfred was out of sight Matthew stopped resisting and passed out._

_The staff were still shocked; quiet Matthew who couldn't even speak above a whisper and had stuttering problems actually yelled._

_Little did they know that those words were the last words Matthew will speak for a long time to come._

* * *

Present day.

(Gilbert's POV)

I was exited to say the least. Yes. I had gained Birdie's trust AND he was coming over.

"Bruder, vhy are you so excited? Did Gilbird have chicks or something?" Ludwig asked me. He was sitting next to Feli on the couch while Feli watched a movie.

"Nein, Gilbird is a dude so that can't happen... right?" I asked thoroughly confused. I didn't know if nature might work that way with birds. But it would be sooo cute if that happened. Little Gilbabies.

"Dummkopf males can't have children und how you know that, that **(A/N DOUBLE NEGATIVES!) **ball of yellow fluff is a boy I will never know. Now vhy are you exited?" Ludwig asked again.

"Birdie is coming over!"

"Isn't he on your head?" Ludwig deadpanned.

"No I mean Maddehew. He's coming over!" I grinned.

"Vho? I don't recognize his name."

"He's kinda quiet and has long blond hair." I explained hoping something would click in mein bruder's mind.

"Ve~ You mean the quiet boy that sits in the corner during lunch?" Feliciano popped in.

"Ja!" I became glad someone knew him.

"Ve~ It will be nice to meet someone new!" Feliciano beamed.

Then the doorbell rang.

I went and opened it and found my little Birdie standing there.

The fuck... did I just say My little Birdie?

* * *

**Please review**

**Translations:**

**Mein bruder- (German) my brother**

**Ja- (German) yes**

**Dummkopf- (German) idiot**

**LAISSER - (French) LET GO**

**Nein- (German) No**

**bonjour- (French) Hello**


	8. Chapter 7

**Next chappy**

**Warnings: the usual**

**I dont own Hetalia.**

* * *

Chapter 7: The domain

(Matthew's POV)

I walked up to Gilbert's house and to his door. I raised my fist to knock on the door, but faltered. I still didn't trust Gilbert, much less go into his domain. I didn't see why I had even agreed to show up.

I began to weigh the pro's and con's. Con's- scary smile, red eyes, probably wants to kill me (Even though he said he wouldn't he might!). Pro's- He remembered me, saved me from Cruz, doesn't hurt me, is nice, and has and adorable bird.

Pro's- 5

Con's- 3

Merde. The pro's out-weighed the con's. Before I could second guess myself I knocked.

A couple seconds later the door opened.

(Gilbert's POV)

Birdie looked uncertain as he stood in my doorway. I looked him up and down, trying to sort out my thoughts. I actually called him my little birdie? Was this some kind of sick joke? A voice snapped me out of my thoughts and apparently Birdie's too because he jumped about a foot in the air.

"Bruder are you going to just stand there und look dumb, or are you going to invite him in?" Ludwig deadpanned.

"Oh... come in. This is my awesome abode." I gestured for the blond to step in. He paused for a moment before walking in. Matthew strode more into the hallway and was suddenly attacked by Feli. Feliciano had tried to hug Matt by wrapping his arms around him. Birdie stood there in shock before yelping and flinging himself out of Feli's grasp and hid. Who he hid behind, was me.

Feliciano pouted. "Ve~ don't you like me?" He cried.

"Feli I don't think that's it. You probably just scared him." Ludwig comforted him.

"Really Luddy?!" He bounced and looked hopeful at 'Luddy'.

He nodded.

"Are you okay? Sorry if Feli scared you." Ludwig directed at Matthew.

Birdie poked his head out from behind me and nodded. He didn't come out from 'hiding' though. Ludwig looked very confused by him hiding and not talking. That's when i decided to explain.

"Birdie here is mute und is kinda skitterish."

"Birdie?" Is all Ludwig questioned.

"Ja. I call him that because-" I was cut off by Gilbird noticing Matthew and flying into Matt's messy locks and settling down. "...Of that." I pointed to the canary on Matthew's head. Matt was looking up at the bird and curiously pet him. Gilbird chirped in recognition and Matt gently smiled. Damn he looked so cute when he smiles. Fuck. What am I thinking?

"O...kay." Ludwig answered uncertainly. "Vellll..." Ludwig drawled. "I'm Ludwig und I am Gilbert's younger brother, sadly."

"Oh your lucky to have an awesome bruder like me~" I cooed in defiance.

He just sighed and gestured to Feli. "This is-"

He was cut off by Feli. "Ve~ I'm Feliciano!"

Matt nodded in understanding and took his eyes off of Gilbird.

"Now would you like to sit down?" Ludwig asked politely. His usual generosity, he did put up with Feli and me by the way.

Birdie nodded.

Ludwig led to the livingroom and I followed him, Matthew hanging closely behind me. I've noticed he seems to act like a lost puppy. Small, frail, frightened easily, large eyes, curiosity, and he hides.

Once in, I sprawled myself out onto the couch that i had passed out on the first night. Ludwig sat on the smaller couch with Feli beside him. (Was there something between the two they weren't telling me?) Matt stood for a second before sitting at the end of my feet on the couch rather then in the armchair. He pulled his bear close and buried his chin in the fur before looking around the room as if something would jump out and attack him.

Feliciano and Ludwig were looking at him up and down. They both were silent. This was weird for Feli.

Ludwig spoke up first. "How old are you?" He asked Birdie.

Matt then began counting on his fingers until he held up one finger on his right hand and five on his left.

"Since I know your not six then you must be fifteen?" Ludwig asked.

Matthew nodded.

"Your mute right? Assuming my bruder was correct."

Biride nodded again.

Feliciano pouted at this and opened his mouth to say something, but bruder put his hand over Feli's mouth to keep him from talking. He was probably going to say something stupid.

"Birdie doesn't need to talk. Right now I'm bored und that is un-awesome. Come on Birdie lets hang out in the basement." With that I got up and headed towards the basement, Birdie closely behind.

I began to walk down the stairs to my bedroom, but... tripped down the stairs. AWESOMLY! I landed on the carpeted floor very disoriented. In a second Matt was at my side looking worried, but made no move to help me up. He did reach out a bit before pulling his arm back.

"Mein gott." I groaned and sat up. "Un-awesome." I declared. I stood up and flopped down on my bed and began to curse in German. My arm was draped over my eyes and when I finally removed it I was looking up at lavender eyes.

And for the record I did not squeak and fall off my bed. I didn't! **(A/N Sure you didn't Gilbert.)**

That's when I heard giggling. I looked over the top of my bed to see Matthew holding his stomach and laughing his head off.

"Oh how is that funny?" I asked slightly irritated that he was laughing at me, but also cheering inside of the fact that I got him to laugh. Even though I was from my pain.

Birdie noticed me and slightly smiled. He then gestured to the sheets that I was tangled in and I couldn't help but laugh too from the situation.

That's when my laptop beeped signalling that I had an incoming web chat request.

"Hey birie can you wait while I talk to my friends back home?" I asked Matt.

He nodded.

"Cool." I jumped to my laptop and opened it and clicked except to the web chat request. Three boxes showed up instead of four. Francis in one, Arthur in another, and Antonio in the last one.

"Hey where's the american idiot?" I asked them.

"Oh hey amigo, he's packing." Antonio answered.

"Packing why?" I asked.

"You know 'ow his dad worked at the same job as your dad?" Francis spoke.

I nodded.

"Well 'is dad is moving to the same job as your dad since there's another opening so 'e's moving to San Fransisco." Francis continued.

"Really?"

"Yes." Arthur answered. "I will have that git off my back finally."

"OK."

"Hey Gilbert?" Antonio asked me.

"Yea?"

"Who's that behind you?" He asked.

Behind me? I looked over my shoulder to see Birdie sitting against my bed with his knees pulled up to his chest. In his hand he held my I-pod with the ear buds in his ears and he had his eyes closed. I chuckled and turned back to my friends.

"That's Maddhew."

* * *

**Review**

**Translations:**

**Bruder- (German) brother**

**Meerde- (French) Shit**


	9. Chapter 8

**I want to thank all my reviewers I love you.**

**I had written the last chapter while I was sick and made a mistake. the Pro's and Con's numbers got mixed up. Guess that's what happens when your drugged up on medication. You can't do math! Thank you reviewers who pointed this out and being nice about it.**

**Now onward! Compared to the last couple of chapters this one is longer.**

**Warnings- Alfred's POV in this chapter is emotional, cutting, angst.**

**I don't own Hetalia. Wish I did though.**

* * *

Chapter 8: Not so heartwarming reunion

(Matthew's POV)

Gilbert had gone to talk to his friends on his laptop. Looking around I see a Prussian flag on the far wall, a small table next to the bed, and a long dresser. Various things were thrown about the room making it look as if a tornado ran through. On the bedside table was an I-pod. Curiosity got the best of me and I picked it up and sat in front of Gilbert's bed. I set Kumajirou next to me, put in the ear buds, and turned on the I-pod. Almost immediately I was met with the sound of Knife Called Lust by Hollywood Undead. But this was the Nightcore* version. I turned up the volume and closed my eyes this was one of my favorite songs.

Damn one more thing for the Pro's list.

Soon the song switched to Stupid MF by Mindless Self Indulgence, then to I'm Awesome by Spose. It figured that Gilbert would have the later on his I-pod. When that song finished I paused the music and decided to see if Gilbert was done chatting with his friends yet. I wasn't prepared when I opened my eyes.

When I opened them I was met with four stares. Not used to being looked at so much I did the logical thing. I yelped, grabbed Kuma, and hid on the other side of Gilbert's bed under the sheets.

(Gilbert's POV)

Birdie had opened his eyes and freaked out. Our stares must have surprised him, because he hid behind the bed. I couldn't help but laugh. Not at him being scared but the part of how he hid under the sheets.

Francis and Antonio were laughing too. Arthur was desperately trying not to, to **(A/N Double negatives!) ** remain poised.

"Birdie." I said calming my laughing. "Ya okay you looked like you had a heart attack."

Matthew peeked his head up. He looked over the bed slightly, sheets still draped over him, and nodded, pulling his bear close.

"Hmmm so zis is Matthieu." Francis looked at the disheveled blond.

Matt nodded and looked at Antonio, Francis, and Arthur.

"Yay!" Antonio grinned.

"When we found out that Gilbert had a friend we couldn't believe it. He has no brain cells to even seem appealing to anyone, much less be his friend." Arthur commented.

"HEY!" I protested. "I'm vay awesomer und you're just jealous." I retort before turning to Birdie. "This is Francis, Antonio, und Arthur." I pointed to each of them. "They vere my friends back in New York. Well Arthur vasn't a best friend, but hung around."

Matt nodded in understanding. He then decided it fit to come from hiding and sat on my bed. The sheet was still on him, but he didn't take it off. Matthew sat his bear in his lap and buried his chin in the fur. All while looking at my computer screen.

"Vell I guess I can talk to you guys later." I say too the three in the computer. "Hey though do you know vhen the hamburger idiot is starting school here?" I ask.

"Ya, He is flying the entire way tonight and starting school tomorrow." Antonio supplied.

"Okay." And with that I closed the laptop.

I turned to face Matt who had continued to do what he was doing before, listening to my I-pod.

I decided to just leave him and take a nap. I sprawled myself onto the floor and drifted off.

.

.

.

I woke up to a poking in my side.

Opening my eyes I come face to face with lavender eyes for the second time today. This time was different though... I had no bed to fall off of. I just ended up squeaking... AWESOMELY!

"Hey, vat time is it?" I sit up and look at the digital clock on my nightstand. It was already 8!

"It's eight." I look to Birdie.

He nods. I had been out for a long time.

Matt points to the door.

"You have to go?" I ask wondering if I got the signal right.

Matthew nods.

"Ok." I stand up and lead Birdie out. I watch him go. I turn and go to the kitchen where Feli left some pasta for me.

.

(Matthew's POV)

I walk home and go inside my quiet house. It's almost never quiet. Wanting not to waste the quiet I climb up to the second story of the broken walls. I go into my 'bedroom' and pass out on the blanket, glad and peaceful due to a pain free day.

.

But when there are goods the bads soon follow.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

I had science in the morning with my bitch of a teacher. The good news was Alfred and I had the same first period. Alfred had to introduce himself, he was very over dramatic.

"YO! I'M THE HERO ALFRED F. JONES!" He yelled to the class before taking the empty seat beside me.

Of course the teacher wasn't happy about that. The pissy teacher walked up in front of the class to begin. "Well better than how Gilbert introduced himself to chemistry."

Alfred looked at me like 'you are definitely going to tell me what happened in chemistry'.

.

Art passed quickly and we had another project to do, so I couldn't talk to Matt.

.

My next class passed by and lunch came. I wanted to introduce Matt to Alfred. Alfred went and sat down with his lunch and I said I would bring over Matthew. I walked to the other side of the cafeteria to Birdie who sat in his usual spot in the far corner.

"Hey Birdie." I say when in range.

Matt looks up to me and gives me a confused look.

"I need to introduce you to someone." I gesture for him to follow me.

He followed or rather hid behind me as we walked passed a lot of the students. They had made a dumb ass decision to put my entire year into one lunch block and the place was crowded. Birdie didn't seem to like this and kept close.

When I reached the table Alfred was sitting at Matthew was still hiding behind me. I stepped out of the way for Alfred to see Matt.

.

The first thing I saw on Alfred's face was confusion. Next recognition. Then shock.

"M-mattie." I looked at Alfred confused. Alfred never stuttered.

Matthew who had his head down and was looking at the floor had not even noticed I moved out of the way. At the sound of Alfred though his head snapped up. Matt's eyes widened. In a flash Matthew had ran out of the lunch room.

I looked at Alfred for answers. For once though the 'hero' was speechless.

Then a small sentence came past his lips. "That was my brother."

.

(Alfred's POV)

When Gil stepped out of the way I had no idea who stood in front of me. At first. The too large jeans, giant red sweater, the bags under his eyes, dirty hair, dulled out purple eyes, masked expression, and the pale skin didn't click.

The maple leaf necklace, long curl, and stuffed bear did. No one but Matt had those things.

The only thing that passed my lips was: "M-mattie."

The boy in front of me looked up and in that same amount of time, had ran out. The look in his eyes told me he had known who I was.

The only thing I felt right now was guilt. Many people think I'm oblivious, they are right, but I knew my brother. Even if we only live with each other for two years as kids didn't mean I didn't know every detail about him.

Or so I thought.

The boy that had stood in front of me wasn't Matt. That was some kind of drained out walking corpse that used to be my brother. How could this have happened? The Mattie I knew smiled a lot, had bright eyes, laughed, and never gave up. Even when he watched his birth mom die in the hospital. When our birth dad and my birth mom were shot before our own eyes he stayed strong. Especially when our house burned and took all we had left, but each other and what we had on our backs. Those first nights in the orphanage I had lost all hope. I was hard to pretend to be alright, but Matt had calmed me down. I had stopped feeling bad and didn't have to pretend. I owed so much to Matt.

What had stood in front of me was a nightmare.

My loving brother had pushed everything aside to help me. He moved on for the time being to save me from myself. Now he stood, gone.

Matt had been broken, it was easy enough to tell if you had known him like me. I felt guilty because I knew what had happened, I had broken a very important promise and Matt paid for it.

.

Alfred didn't know what his appearance had done to Matthew.

.

(Matthew's POV)

Merde.

I ran the cool blade across the skin of my wrist. Little by little with every cut my worries faded. The webbing of the crimson ran down my skin. Washing the memories away. For now.

_Why did this have to happen to me. He's back. I needed him and he shows up nine years too late. What did I ever do?_

* * *

**I'm crying right now. It was hard for me to write this. Especially Alfred's POV. Imma sorry if it was kinda sad.**

**I hope ya liked it. Please review.**

***Nightcore- Nightcore is characterized by a sped-up melody (sometimes), fast rhythmic beat (usually), and ALWAYS higher than normal pitch. Almost all nightcore music are original songs nightcored (remixed into nightcore) by nightcore fans.**

**These are the songs that were mentioned:**

**The Knife Called Lust Nightcore version- watch?v=zeGs0uDFJ7k&list=FL2nphivyxk7wwJOuKjTjaSw&index=6&feature=plpp_video**

**Stupid MF- watch?v=QRgG_eA46dc&list=PLGwqBe8TqDu1hzHij0BQVj44Cb0 Cc6Q56&index=5&feature=plpp_video**

**I'm Awesome- watch?v=OR7Ul1EyyzI&list=FL2nphivyxk7wwJOuKjTjaSw&index=14&feature=plpp_video**

**Also I like this song called I Can't Stay Away nightcore- watch?v=KXFYJUQgFMg&feature=BFa&list=FL2nphivyxk7wwJOuKjTjaSw**

**Just paste the links into the address bar.**

**Translations:**

**Merde- (French) shit**


	10. Chapter 9

**Next chapter.**

**Ive put up a poll on my profile for my next story please vote.**

**I updated early because I got over 50 reviews. Here's your reward.**

**Warnings: child abuse cutting angst.**

**I don't own healia.**

* * *

Chapter 9: Distraught and Crumbling

(Gilbert's POV)

_"That was my brother."_

Those words hit me like a brick. Brother? Birdie was Alfred's brother? This had to be some kind of sick joke. But the way Alfred was holding his head in his hands. They looked nothing alike. This wouldn't have been bad if Alfred weren't all depressed suddenly. Alfred has never been like this. _  
_

This was no lie.

I couldn't leave Alfred grieving in the middle of the lunch room, so I dragged him outside and to the back of the school.

Alfred wore a zoned-out expression. Many emotions that I couldn't register flashed across his face.

"Okay." I stopped and looked Alfred in the eyes. "Explain. Everything."

Alfred took a breath and began to explain in a shaky voice, clearly still unnerved at the sight of his brother. "W-when Mattie was four his birth mom died. He was given to our father and my mother, see we had different moms. His Canadian, mine American. We meant everything to each other. He never seemed to be affected by his mom's death. That was untill two years later..." Alfred trailed off. There were tears in his eyes that threatened to fall.

He continued. "T-there was t-this serial killer t-that was running from t-the cops. H-he broke into our h-house... and he... s-shot our p-parents." Alfred began to cry. I had never seen him cry ever. It must be hard for him to say this. Arthur, Antonio, Francis, and I didn't know about Alfred's past. Alfred tells us everything. This must be the first time he's ever told anyone about this.

"M-mattie and I... w-we watched them get sh-shot. W-we ran out of t-the house j-just before..." Alfred trailed off. "Th-the killer h-he burned o-our house to the g-ground. W-we watched him d-destroy our house with h-him in it."

"You vent through all of that?" I asked.

Alfred nodded.

"The police sh-showed up. T-they asked us questions about our p-parents and what happened. A-after that they sent us to an orphanage. I had been depressed b-because of our parents deaths. M-mattie had kept telling me it would be okay. Not m-much later did I begin to believe it. Th-the thing I noticed though was that h-he had this emotion in his eyes when h-he was trying to calm me down. I re-realized then that he had b-been holding strong since his b-birth mom died. Our dad and his wife d-dying had just c-cracked him m-more and one m-more blow would sh-shatter him. I wouldn't leave his side since then until..." Alfred chocked on his words and gripped onto my jacket. He was about to collapse.

"Th-there were these people that wanted to adopt us... b-but they c-could only a-adopt one of u-us. Th-they chose m-me. I refused t-to leave M-mattie. Th-they had to d-drag me away..." Alfred slid down so that he was sitting down and put his head in his hands again. "I promised I would s-save him. I-i never did. M-mattie is b-broken and i-it's my f-fault."

"How is Birdie broken?" I asked kinda creeped out by what he just told me.

"H-he wasn't like this b-before."

"Like vat?" I am very confused.

"If you k-knew him l-like me i-it's obvious." Alfred reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He began to click a few buttons before showing me the screen. "This is w-what he l-looked like wh-when we w-were six."

I was shocked.

The picture showed a blue eyed boy and a boy with lilac eyes. Alfred didn't look any different except for the age, but Matthew... he looked just barley like he does now. The Matthew that stood in the picture had a smile on his face like it was always there and was holding onto Alfred's hand. Matt's hair was a lighter color and not dulled like it is now. In his arms he held his bear and around his neck was the maple leaf necklace. His eyes were bright and lively, his skin wasn't even close to as pale as he was now, and even his curl seemed more life like than it is now.

I gawked at the picture.

"Th-that's Birdie?" I couldn't believe it. What had happened between Alfred being adopted and now.

"Ya." Alfred confirmed it.

"Ve have to find out vhat happened. Ve need answers." I say concerned at this new found information.

Alfred nodded.

From what I had just seen I could conclude what Alfred had said was right. Something was wrong with Matt.

.

(Matthew's POV)

I watched the crimson. It slid down from my wrist, clashing with my pale skin.

The emotions get held back so much until they finally let go in one stream of pain. They had been held back longer this time. I think it was because of Gilbert. He had seen me and became my friend. There was one thing that tipped me over the edge though.

Alfred.

The only thing I could think of a the time was to run. I'm such a coward.

.

Useless,

Worthless,

A sad excuse for life,

Horrible,

Weak,

An idiot,

An invisible leech,

Disgusting,

Shitty,

Feeble,

Empty,

Meaningless,

Pointless,

.

It didn't matter how you said it. There were thousands of ways I could describe myself. I ran every single word through my mind.

Alfred showing up reminded me of all of those things. I couldn't blame my life, my foster parents, the orphanage or anything. I was supposed to be able to deal with it, but I couldn't. That was me, the weakest point in the chain, ready to finally break.

Just one more hit.

I needed to hold back everything. That was impossible.

.

Impotent,

Lousy,

Ineffective,

Faulty,

Vile,

Deficient,

Rotten,

.

I was thrown around and beaten so many times. I couldn't deal with it. I just couldn't. I couldn't nine years ago and I can't now. I'm so weak.

The memories came tumbling back. How I watched as my birth mother's heart monitor went blank. Me screaming for her to come back to the point the doctors had to sedate me. Being put into a new house. Finding a new family. All of it being ripped away by a psycho. The blood splattering across the living room. My house burning down. Thrown into an orphanage and forcing myself to accept it. Having myself torn from my last safety line. Alfred. Crumbling to a point at which I didn't speak.

It only got worse from there.

.

Appalling,

A curse,

Disgraceful,

Wretched,

Foul,

Despicable,

Rued,

Shameful,

Insignificant,

Sordid,

.

Being six at the time I never learned how I ended up with _them._ It further cracked me. I know it.

.

I'm lost beyond all return.

At least that's what I think.

Shielding myself away.

Giving in to it.

Waiting for the end.

Wishing for a new beginning.

Loosing hope ever so slowly.

Finding nothing to grab onto.

Invisible.

Shattered into thousands of pieces.

No one bothering to pick them up.

Withheld from the world.

Too scared.

Searching, but finding nothing.

How long has it been?

Trapped.

I've lasted longer than I was supposed to.

Knowing how close I am.

Yet so far away.

Disintegrating.

Falling apart right before their eyes.

They don't see it.

Alone.

At least that's what I think.

.

My salty tears fall onto my cuts and it stings. I don't care. Alfred is a sign it's coming to an end. For better or worse.

With me everything turns out horrible.

* * *

**Please Review.** **They help me write.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Next chapter up.**

**School is slowing me down sorry.**

**I had to balance out when i update my stories so Imma updating today!**

**The poll is still up for what my next story should be.**

**Yay.**

**Thalies for all ta reviews**

**Warnings: Child abuse cutting**

**I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 10: Cornered

(Gilbert's POV)

I lead Alfred to my house and to my room. Down there I turned on my laptop and logged on. I opened up chat and video called Antonio, Arthur, and Francis. They came on almost immediately.

"¡Hola!"

"Bonjour."

"Hello."

The three stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Alfred. They clearly hadn't seen Alfred so down and lifeless before.

"A-alfred." The three squeaked.

Like me the shock had settled in.

"Alfred what happened lad?" Arthur spoke slowly and lightly. He did not want to set Alfred off, who was clearly deep in though. By the look on his face they weren't happy thoughts.

Alfred looked up to me with pleading eyes. He shouldn't have to repeat what he told me. It would be too painful.

I took a breath and addressed the three looking on in worry through the computer screen. "Birdie is Alfred's brother."

"What do you mean by brother?" Antonio asked chocking on air a bit.

I began to tell them the story Alfred had told me. The three stayed silent the entire time. Listening contently they took in everything I told them.

When I had first heard the story from Alfred back at school I could hardly believe it. Alfred never seemed to act like he had went through all the pain and death he had been exposed to as a child. Matthew had been through more than him by what I had herd from Alfred. I couldn't even think of how Matthew kept his sanity through all of that, let alone facing the world every day with a past like that.

I finished talking at the end of the story.

Antonio, Francis, and Arthur stayed silent for a while. Probably trying to let the past of Alfred and Matt sink in.

Francis spoke first. "'ow is it possible for someone to be so cruel?" His voice was barely a whisper.

I concluded he was talking about the psycho that killed the two brothers parents.

I had no answer to that. I didn't know either.

"The story seems so outlandish." Arthur spoke next. "Yet it must be true."

I nodded at that.

"If Matthew is Alfred's brother than what happened to him?" Antonio asked.

"That's vhat Alfred und I need to find out. " I told them.

I looked over to Alfred who seemed to be having another internal battle. "Though maybe it vould be a good idea for only me to find out vhat happened." The reaction Matthew and Alfred had told me that maybe they shouldn't come face to face for a bit.

The three flicked their eyes to Alfred before nodding.

"That might be best." Arthur said.

"Yes."

"Oui." Francis and Antonio agreed.

I turned off my computer. The three on the other end doing the same.

"Alfred." I said. "Go home cool off und let the awesome me deal vith it. I'll find out vhat happened."

Alfred nodded before standing up and walking to the door that led out of my room. He stopped.

"Please." He puffed out before leaving.

"I vill." I promised more to myself than to Alfred.

For some reason I wanted to know more about Birdie. I couldn't push away the feeling I've been having. I didn't know why Matt meant this much to me. I've never felt like this before. Might as well go along with it. That seems like the only choice now. I couldn't turn my back on this.

I'm in too deep already.

Tomorrow I'll confront Birdie.

.

(Matthew's POV)

John and Syndy came home about an hour later.

After I bandaged up my wrists I cleaned the house as much a I could.

I narrowly avoided John tonight. It helped that he was drop dead drunk. Syndy was too.

All the two did was walk in, throw up all over the living room (I had just cleaned it! Hosers.), and stumble to their room. I could very clearly hear the incomprehensible acts they were doing. I want to bleach my brain now.

.

That night I barely slept.

Images and nightmares flooded my sleep. Too much pain flashed through my mind as I was reminded, like every night, of what happened nine years ago.

In the morning I set out water and Advil for John ans Syndy. They would need it for their hangovers and if that wasn't dealt with than the beating that night would hurt more.

I grabbed Kuma and my messenger bag before setting out for school. I dreaded this for one reason.

Alfred.

If I ran into him again I don't know what I would do.

At least I had art with Gilbert.

I don't know why I looked forward to it. I guess it's because he's the only one that seems to care.

Once at the gates that lead to school I felt myself being thrown against the ground.

"Well look who we have here. You've been avoiding me. Haven't you?" Cruz.

I stayed silent, looking down.

"Haven't you?!" He demanded, kicking me in the stomach.

I didn't respond. I held the place where he kicked me, suddenly feeling like I needed to throw up.

Another kick.

Followed by another.

Cruz raised his fist for a blow.

I shut my eyes, waiting for the hit.

It never came.

I looked up to see Gilbert twisting Cruz's wrist. He had an iron grip. Gilbert shoved Cruz away. Deciding he didn't want to continue, Cruz shot me an 'I'll get you back' look and left.

At that point I threw up next to myself.

Gilbert almost immediately knelt next to me. He helped me up.

I still felt queasy and had to lean on Gil's arm to keep myself up. Once my vision became less blurry and i could stand properly I let go of Gilbert's arm.

"Ya okay?" He asked.

I nod.

"Hey Birdie does he always do that to you?" Gilbert asks while pointing in the direction where Cruz left.

I nod again.

"Next time he tries to hurt you come to me. I'll shove my foot so far up his ass he von't be able to sit for some time to come." Gilbert looked dead serious.

I offer a slight smile. I cheer inside. Someone actually wants to protect and help me.

"Good. I have another question about yesterday." Gilbert says.

My heart almost stops. Did Alfred tell him about me and what happened in my past?

"Birdie he showed me a picture of you vhen you vere younger. I vant to know vhat happened und vhat's vrong?"

I feel like a deer caught in head lights.

I have no where to run.

* * *

**Review.**

**Translations:**

**Hola- (Spanish) Hello**

**Oui- (French) Yes**

**Bonjour- (French) Hello**


	12. Chapter 11

**Next chapter.**

**Warnings: Fluff, child abuse**

**I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 11: Hints and A Statement

(Matthew's POV)

I looked away.

Should I tell him what I go through? What if he doesn't believe me? What would John and Syndy do if they found out I told someone?

I couldn't tell him. Could I?

If _they _found out I can only imagine want would happen.

The _chains._ His special whip. The knives. And... other things... I don't want that. _They've_ already ruined so much.

I didn't realize I was crying until a salty drop fell from my cheek.

Suddenly strong arms wrapped around me.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

I waited for an answer from Matthew. If just a nod of the head.

Matt looked away from me. I looked into his eyes for something. Anything.

Not this though.

His eyes were sad. Full of remorse and hopelessness. A tear dropped from his eyes and to the ground.

In an instant my arms were around his thin body. I don't know why I hugged him. Some impulse told me to do something. I pulled his body close to myself. At first he was rigid. Then his entire body relaxed and he buried his head in my shoulder. I felt his tears soak into my jacket. I didn't care.

"Verdammt. Birdie stop crying please. Crying is so un-awesome ." I hated it when people cried. And the worst part is I think I have to comfort Matt. One, I don't know how to comfort. Two, I've never tried before.**  
**

"Don't vorry." I whispered.

I knew I couldn't let Birdie show up at school like this.

"Come on lets go around back."

Matt nodded into my shoulder and let go. He still gripped onto me as we walked. Once around the back of the school we sat against the brick wall. I needed to know why Matthew reacted like that. He was still crying. Seeing him like this hurts for some reason.

"Birdie calm down." I set a hand awkwardly on his shoulder. I mean what am I supposed to do? I'm new at this kind of stuff.

I felt Matthew wrap his arms around my middle and bury his face into my jacket. Well that was unexpected.

Not knowing what else to do I wrapped an arm around his small body. He seemed so defenseless and frail. It was unnatural. His slight body compared to my tall and lean stature. Like with a single hit he could shatter.

Gilbert couldn't know how right he was.

.

(Matthew's POV)

One memory set off another, then another in a continuous stream.

Beating after beating.

Pain covered up by false hope.

Dropping deeper and deeper.

Fearing being lost for good.

It didn't help the fact I was practically invisible to almost every one. They walk into me in the hallways. Pass me by without a second thought as Cruz bullies me. Turn a blind eye to my feelings. Never bother to learn my name. Even now Cruz doesn't use my name. He probably forgot it long ago.

I wrapped my arms around what I thought was Kumajirou. I felt the thick jacket and realized it was Gilbert. I needed something, anything, to hold onto. Even if it was the demon with red eyes. (That might or might not want me dead. That hasn't been decided yet.)

I continued to weep into what, at the moment, had become my safety blanket. At least I had one person that remembered me.

I felt an arm slid itself around me.

"Don't worry I'm here." A familiar voice broke my hazardous thoughts.

I realized how weak I must look right now. I immediately released Gilbert. I grabbed Kuma and pulled him to my chest. Trying to calm my breathing and stop crying, I buried my face into Kuma's fur.

Dammit. I'm so useless and weak. I wouldn't blame Gilbert for ditching me after this. I mean who wants to stay friends with a pussy. Stupid me. I'll lose my only friend.

Pure helplessness washed over me and I slightly shook.

I was pulled into somebody's lap and comforting arms wrapped around me once again. This time with more confidence and stability.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

"Don't vorry I'm here."

When those words rolled off my tongue Birdie pushed away from me and curled himself around his bear.

I could see the slight alarm in his eyes when he pushed away though. He must have not realized he had wrapped around me.

I looked over to him. Matt sat shaking like a leaf. I heard an almost inaudible whimper fall from his lips.

Great. He was crying again.

I picked him from his spot and set his shaking frame in my lap and held him. What else was I going to do?

"Shhh.." I murmured and rubbed his back like my mom used to do when I got scared. Not like I did though!

"Please stop crying Birdie." I somewhat begged. "There's nothing to vorry about. I von't hurt you und there's nobody here that vill hurt you."

His head shifted up to look up at me. Tears still rimmed his lavender eyes. I looked deeper into those pools of faded purple. There stood fear, hope, and... something unrecognizable.

He made his question clear though.

"I'll stay here, I von't leave." I lifted my hand up and wiped away the water on his cheeks.

I gently smiled.

"Do you vant to talk about it...er... umm vrite it?" I gently questioned. I didn't want to set him off again.

Uncertainty passed across his face before he nodded.

"Okay." I pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen from my pocket and handed it to him.

Birdie hesitantly grabbed the items and wrote something down. He handed it to me with a shaky hand.

.

I read:

_Do I have to tell everything?_

_._

His handwriting was neater than my own.

"Only what your comfortable with." I answered.

He nodded and took the paper back before scrawling over it again.

.

I read again:

_I have problems at home._

_._

Matt looked at me uncertainly as if I would judge him.

"What else?"

He scribbled some more.

.

A statement:

_I'm abused. _

.

My heart stopped there.

* * *

**Review.**

**Translations:**

**Verdammt- (German) Dammit, shit, ect...**


	13. Chapter 12

**Hellow~**

**Warnings: Child abuse cutting cursing.**

**I don't own Hetalia.**

* * *

Chapter 12: Muddled Thoughts

(Gilbert's POV)

_My heart stopped there. _

I didn't know how to react.

I sat, staring at the sheet of paper, as if trying to will the words to change. They didn't.

I looked up in shock.

Matt looked into my eyes for a split second before burying his eyes into my chest. His hands fisted my shirt and I felt wetness. He was crying again.

I was frozen as my brain began re-arranging the information.

Damn. It all made sense.

Everything clicked into place. At least most of it.

My hands shook as I dropped the paper and wrapped my arms around Birdie.

"Verdammt. It's alright." I whispered into Matthew's hair.

"I u-understand. Birdie I'll protect you from them. Let me h-help you" I cursed myself for quivering.

Why do I feel so angry and scared right now. The awesome me shouldn't be feeling like this.

Still I kept murmuring to Birdie to keep him calm. I held back my anger at who did this to Matt. They made his so scared and small. They are going to pay. It's as simple as that.

I absentmindedly ran my fingers through his hair.

"Birdie look at me." I told him.

Ever so slowly he raised his head to look at me.

"There's more to this isn't there?" I ask.

He nods.

"How much more?"

Birdie picks up the sheet of paper and writes again.

.

I read, dreading the answer:

_A lot._

_._

_"_Then I'll piece together everything again one step at a time. Understand?" I look him in the eye.

He seemed shocked. Matt picked up the paper and wrote onto it and handed it to me.

.

_Thank you._

.

"Your velcome Birdie."

BBBBBBBRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNN NGGGGG

The bell for second period rings.

Matt scribbled something onto the paper again.

.

_Class. I have to go or else I'll get into trouble._

_._

"Okay." I wipe his cheeks to free them of tears.

Matthew gets off my lap and scampers in the direction of his next class.

Me. I decide to take a walk to clear my thoughts. Or it might just muddle them up more.

Standing up I wipe my self off and pocket my pen. I began to walk away from Courtney High.

Soon my walk became a full out run.

I ran until I was gasping for breath. I was far away from the school by now. Out of breath, my body gave in and I collapsed. I lay in a field miles away from the town. The grass swayed with the wind and the sun shined ever so bright.

Fuck the sun. Doesn't it know how horrible a day it is? Yet it shines and decides to be a bitch.

My hand runs through the grass as I mentally curse out the sun.

All thoughts recoil back as I realize how bad the situation is.

Birdie is being harmed.

As far as I know Birdie has no blood relatives beside Alfred. He told my he was being harmed at home. The only ones that could have possibly harmed him is his foster parents.

Those bastards.

I curl my hand into a fist.

Thousands of thoughts roll around in my brain. I don't know how long I stayed there. Just staring into space.

How did the awesome me even get into this position? Only four days ago I would have not cared if some mute boy was being hurt. What changed? I guess it was Matthew. What else could it be. Who would have thought my art partner would have changed me so much. Now that I think about it I haven't even looked at other girls or guys since I met him.

Shit. When did this get so confusing? I bury my face into the grass.

This is so unlike me.

With a huff I get up from my current position. Walking back to town I look at my watch. How long was I out? It was already two in the afternoon.

Vater is going to kill me for skipping. Who cares. I have to much on my plate to even worry about that.

How was I going to tell Alfred anyways? I can't just go up to him and say, 'Hey your brother is being abused by his foster parents. Thought you should know.'. I can't do that.

When did this all fall onto my shoulders? Oh ya when I told Birdie I would help him. Curse my weakness for cute things.

Sighing I rub the back of my head. I had a headache from thinking this much. I'll just talk to Matt tomorrow to get more info.

.

(Matthew's POV)

I can't believe I actually told him.

What will Gil do though. He said he would help me. Or was that out of pity? I hope it wasn't. I only want help.

I think this is what I've been waiting for. The reason I didn't kill myself long ago. The reason I didn't bring that knife to my heart or take one of John's guns and shoot myself. The sliver of hope that kept me alive is actually alive.

He came in the form of a demon though.

I don't know if I can truly trust Gilbert. What if he only wants blackmailing information on me? Or just wants me to trust him so he can break my heart, just as the many others have.

Cruz was one of them. He just wanted to get close to my heart, then he crushed my fragile shell to pieces. I never told him what goes on at home though. He pretended to be my friend for about a month. It was all part of his plan though. Get in close and then rip everything to shreds.

Though what made Gilbert different from him? I haven't even know him for a week and I told him. I let him touch me too. What made him so special that I let him and him only hug me and get into my personal bubble?

I haven't figured it out though.

All through my next classes I couldn't think straight.

At lunch I sat in my usual corner, hoping not to see Alfred. I didn't see him, or Gilbert. Where was Gil?

After lunch I hazily went through my last periods.

When school was over I walked home almost forgetting what was in store. Almost.

The second I walked into my house I was thrown against the wall, for the second time that day.

"Afternoon wretched." John growled in my face.

I flinched back.

"Since we were gone you didn't get a proper beating." John seemed to be only slightly buzzed.

John grinned, his crooked teeth showing. "I'll have some fun with the chains."

My heart sank. No. No. No. No. Not the chains.

Without a second to think John had clasped his hands around my neck. The air couldn't get to my lungs. I felt everything go blurry. The numbness took over. Things started to fade. I was unable to breath. Kumajirou slipped from my grasp.

"Nighty night."

That was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

.

.

.

(Gilbert'sPOV)

That night I lay in bed, unable to process anything.

My stomach sank.

I knew something bad is happening and we're at the halfway point. The end miles off.

* * *

**Review Please!**

**Translations:**

**Vater- (German) Father**

**Verdammt- (German) Dammit**


	14. Chapter 13

**Here it is.**

**Hope ya like it.**

**Warnings: Child abuse mentions of cutting and suicide**

**I don't own Hetalia.**

* * *

Chapter 13: Chains and Knives

(Matthew's POV)

Light broke my passed out state.

I couldn't see through the blurry haze. I blinked rapidly in hopes of banishing my clouded vision. Ever so slowly where I was became clearer...

My heart began to panic when I saw where I was.

There room was dark except for a light bulb in the center of the ceiling. The little amount of light made the place look eerie. The floor around me was stained with dry blood. The walls and floors were made out of concrete with steps leading up to the first floor. To the side sat an array of knives and... the _chains_.

My wrists were handcuffed above my head. The handcuffs were chained to the far wall. The handcuffs were covered in old blood along with new due to the fact that while I had been out they had reopened my cuts and were rubbing my wrists raw. My shirt and sweater were thrown to the side... probably to make sure that John wouldn't rip them up with what he was going to do. He quote 'couldn't waste money on new clothes for a boy when the money could be used for beer'. So he just throws my shirt and sweatshirt to the side. He doesn't usually harm my legs... unless he's really mad then he beats everything.

The door at the top of the steps opened to reveal John.

My heart panicked more.

"Yer awake as it seems." He growled.

He began to walk down the steps. He strode across the floor until he was standing in front of me.

I kept my head down with my hair in my face.

"You ready?" I felt his boot connect with my chest.

I whimpered. It hurt so much.

I heard footsteps recede. Then the clanking of a chain. The footsteps began to approach again.

The cool metal touched the warm skin of my neck. I shivered involuntarily. John wrapped the chain around my neck, just loose enough for me to breathe. Barely.

My stomach dropped at the feeling of the familiar chain wrapped around my neck.

The two chains were the ones I hated the most. The one that kept my wrists securely trapped against the wall and the chain wrapped around my neck. One held my hands back and the other kept me from screaming. They had different purposes. The one wrapped around my neck kept me from making any noise. If I began to breathe hard then the chain would suffocate me. Through the entire beating I would need to keep from screaming and keep my breathing slow. Both things are hard to do when your being carved into by knives. This is why I hated the chains. They only had one thing in common, both rubbed my skin raw.

A cool blade touched the skin of my chest.

It dug into the skin. Blood dribbled from the wound. I bit my lip to keep from making any noise.

The blade drew ever so slowly against my skin. It went in a straight line down.

I bit my lip harder.

The agonizing pain.

John brought the blade out of my skin before stabbing down onto my shoulder. He held a sadistic grin.

My teeth ripped the skin of my lip and blood slid down my chin.

My heart rate was quickening. Breath in and out. Don't let your mind over think.

The languish knife slid from my shoulder causing me to slightly cry out. Blood welled from the wound and flowed down my side.

I tried to calm.

John connected the knife to my chest again. He slid it in a jagged line before dragging it up through the cuts he just made.

I bit down harder, trying to steer my mind off of the pain. The crimson slid down my chin before dropping onto the concrete.

Stop. Please stop. My mind begged.

A flash of white came over my vision.

John had slashed across my abdomen.

My mind couldn't work anymore. The chain around my neck felt constricting. It was no longer cold, but warm from my blood.

The pain soon became numbness.

I don't know how long this went on. I couldn't tell how long it had been. Minutes felt like hours and I had closed my eyes a long time ago.

The chain was lifted from around my neck and my arms fell to my sides after being un-cuffed.

"You were a good boy, now weren't ya? Clean up yourself and my knives before making dinner. Understand." John sneered.

I nodded, but didn't dare open my eyes until he was gone.

Nothing hurt. I couldn't feel my arms. They had been suspended above my head for too long.

Slowly I lifted my hand up to touch my neck. I flinched back. It stung.

With as much strength as I could muster I forced myself to my feet.

My clouded state stumbled myself up the steps. Somehow I ended up in the bathroom. My shaky hands grabbed a gauze. I sat down on the floor. Half of my wounds had crusted over with dry blood. I wrapped up my neck first. Then I washed my wrists, the water becoming a pink color, before wrapping them up too.

My chest was an entirely different story though. It felt like forever to get the cuts cleaned up. It stung so bad. Then I wrapped it up too.

I went back down the stairs and slid back on my shirt and sweatshirt.

I set to work cleaning up Johns knives with an old rag. I had a hard time believing that the blood on them was mine.

An hour later I had finished cleaning them. The dull blades shined.

Sighing I set to making dinner.

Dinner went as usual; John breaking something and me getting the leftovers.

Through all of this though I felt dread.

I couldn't do this anymore. The pain cut too deep. It was too hard. I couldn't fend off the thoughts of suicide the entire night. Reasons of why I hated myself kept resurfacing. It hurt so much.

When I went to sleep the horrid nightmare woke me up.

I couldn't fend off the thoughts though.

Self loathing and depression.

I pulled out my knife.

My finger ran along the blade slightly. The hilt felt sound in my hand.

My decision was made final.

I brought the knife up and then down.

Aimed straight at my heart.

.

.

.

.

The knife wavered just a centimeter away from where my heart is.

It slid from my grasp.

The clanging sound it made when it hit the floor was deafening.

I couldn't do it.

Tears fell from my eyes.

I couldn't kill myself.

.

* * *

**Review...**


	15. Chapter 14

**SUP!**

**HERE YA GO!**

**Warnings: cutting child abuse...**

**I dont own Hetalia.**

* * *

Chapter 14: ...

(Matthew's POV)

I curled myself around Kumajirou. I silently cried.

Why is it so hard?

Why couldn't I do it?

Why am I so weak?

Why does it hurt so much?

Why am I still alive?

All the 'Why's' repeated over and over in my head.

I soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

I dreaded today.

When I woke up I knew what I had to do. Didn't mean I liked it.

I would have to tell Alfred what has been happening to Matt.

How will he react? It won't be good. That's all I can think.

Walking to school I noticed a figure ahead of me.

I ran to catch up.

"Hey Bridie." I grin at him.

He nods.

I noticed something different though. Why was he wearing a scarf. Winter was about a month ago...

"Birdie vhy are you vearing a scarf?" I ask.

He looks as if in thought.

Matt looks to the left and to the right, as if paranoid that someone was around. Once satisfied He grabs my arm and pulls me behind the nearest tree.

I'm confused.

Matthew looks around once more before looking me in the eyes.

He reached up and pulled away the scarf.

Once the scarf was gone I could see a bandage wrapped around his neck. A slight crimson had seeped through the gauze.

I bring my shaking fingers up and gently unwrap it.

The skin seemed to be rubbed raw. Though not by rope. It looked as if it was damaged by something harder than rope.

I re-wrapped his neck.

Once done he pulled the scarf on again.

I stayed silent the entire time.

"Damn those bastards." I muttered to myself.

Matt, having heard, nodded.

He looked down.

"You okay?" I touched his cheek.

He shook his head.

"Birdie?"

He looked up.

"I need to tell Alfred vhat's happening to you. Okay?" I gently run my hand through his golden locks to calm him.

Matt nods.

"He was going to find out eventually..." I trail off.

Matthew nods in agreement.

"Birdie you need to actually meet him for more than a couple seconds... it might help your situation..."

He bites his lip, which I notice is scabbed over and bruised.

After a few seconds he nods.

"Good, we'll meet up at lunch." And with that we walk to school. Both dreading the next hours that were to come.

.

(Matthew's POV)

What will I do?

I'm going to meet Alfred.

What will he think? He must be disgusted by me. I'm so weak. I probably let him down by being the way I am. He might laugh at me. I haven't talked to him in years. Or talked at all for that matter. He might hate me. How much has he changed over the years? It couldn't have been that much. How has his life gone over the nine years? Better than mine most likely. Does he remember the promise he made me so long ago?

Question after question, thought after though my mind kept reeling.

My lessons seemed to go at an agonizing pace.

Lunch came.

I was dreading the worst.

.

(Alfred's POV)

A couple minutes before the bell rang in first period Gilbert walked up to me suddenly.

I had been talking to the over hyper Italian and his very ratty brother.

"Ve need to talk." Was all he said before dragging me into the corner of the room.

"It's about Maddhew." Those words struck me. Gilbert called him Matthew instead of Birdie. It must be serious.

I couldn't get Matthew out of my head since I first saw him in the lunch room.

"You need to talk to him." Gilbert told me.

"T-talk to hi-him?" I chocked out, at a loss for words.

"Ja." Gilbert said with a deadly seriousness. I didn't know he could be so stone-like.

"A-about what?" I wasn't ready to see him again.

"About vhat's going on."

"What's been going on?" I demanded, suddenly worried.

"Maddhew should be here when I tell you that. "During lunch." Gilbert then went and sat down in his seat, seconds before the bell rung.

Our teacher, Mr. Roma, called the class to order and began er... teaching... though that term could be used loosely for him. Very loosely.

I wasn't listening though. My brain was being tied in knots over and over again. I couldn't make sense of what Gilbert had told me. It must be important. Very important. Nothing the hero couldn't stand... right? Grrrr this just got more confusing. What was so serious that I needed to talk to Matt? What had happened? How did it involve Mattie? What will Matt think of me though? He might be mad. I broke our promise. I can't have him mad at me can I?

I sighed. It was going to be forever until lunch.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

To say I was nervous was an understatement.

I had no idea how this will turn out. The meeting between the two could go great... or crash and burn.

At lunch I pulled Alfred behind the school and ran off to get Birdie.

I found him in his usual corner.

I pulled him up and dragged him behind me. He didn't argue, just stayed by me.

It's all or nothing.

I turned the corner to the back of the school.

I pulled Matt in front of me.

.

(Matthew's POV)

I tore my gaze from the ground to in front of me.

Last time I didn't get a good look at Alfred. I got one now.

He was tall, about a half a foot taller than me. He had short dirty blond hair and his crystal blue eyes. He seemed athletic and strong. A similar built to Gilbert. His eyes looked as if he were calculating. He looked me up and down.

Our eyes met.

"Hey Matt." He weakly smiled.

I gently waved.

"Okay..." Gilbert began. "We have something to talk about."

.

* * *

**Review Please~!**


	16. Chapter 15

**Sorry its a couple days late. Is a bit short.**

**Warnings: Child abuse cutting**

**I dont own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 15: Meeting

(Alfred's POV)

"Talk about what?" I asked. I needed to know what made Gilbert get so serious.

"Er... how should I vord this?" Gilbert shifted from one foot to the other. He looked deep in thought.

"Vell... Birdie has some problems..." He trailed off.

Problems... well that would explain a lot. Matt didn't look in the best of shape. He looked like he was run over by a truck... and why is he wearing a scarf? His eyes haunted me. They masked things I couldn't decipher. I began to get afraid. What was he going to tell me. It couldn't be good.

"What problems?" I gulped out.

"Problems at home... vith his parents..." Gilbert was looking anywhere but at me.

"Like what?!" I demanded.

"Vell they..." He bit his lip. I waited for an answer. I needed to know. "A-abuse him..." Gilbert's voice was barely a whisper.

"Wha..." Th-they abuse him!

My eyes went wide.

How? My little Matt. He's being abused. Sweet little Mattie is hurt. No. It can't be. I left and this is what happens? He's been dealing with this for 9 years. How, I can't imagine. How much has he been put through. To the point that he went mute. What does he do to himself. Lets himself suffer. My Matt has been changed by monsters. How dare they do that to him!

"Those assholes." I mutter to myself.

My hands were clenched into fists.

Matt was looking at the ground.

"Is it true?" I asked Mattie.

He nodded.

"Dammit Matt... why do you put up with it?"

I received no response.

I shook my head.

"I need to think this over. Okay?" I asked, my mind so meshed up now.

"Ja, go you'll need time to process." Gilbert said.

I walked away, still in shock.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

Alfred's reaction wasn't good.

I looked over to Matthew. He was looking down still.

"He just needs to sort it out himself." I set a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay... you haven't seen him in so long."

Matt shook his head.

His left hand fisted the hem of my shirt.

Tears fell from his eyes.

He buried his head into my side.

.

(Matthew's POV)

Alfred probably thinks I'm weak now.

I can't deal with anything. How does he feel about my situation? He left with a confused look. I set too much on his shoulders. He might hate me now. He shouldn't have to deal with my problems. I'm being so horrible to him.

My hands gripped onto Gilbert.

I remember Gilbert is here. Dammit I put to much on him to he's trying to mend the gap between me and my brother. He's only been nice and I've overloaded him with my problems. I'm such a loser.

I cried even more.

It hurts knowing what he's doing for me. Then what I'm shoving on him.

"Birdie. It's okay."

I feel Gilbert set a hand on my head. He pets my hair gently. Kind of like the way my birth mom used to when I was sick. I calmed down a bit.

BBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG GG!

The bell for our next period rang.

I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"I got to go. Bye." Gilbert smiled at me.

I smile slightly too.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

Grrr... why do I always get phased when Matt smiles.

I mentally hit myself in the head.

I hope Birdie won't worry that much about Alfred. While Alfred needs to let everything cool off.

My next periods passed by in a flash.

Soon the day was over and I found Alfred leaving school for home.

I stopped him.

"Alfred?" I asked.

"Ya?"

"It was shocking wasn't it?" I looked him in the eyes.

"Very. How could they. He was so innocent and pure. Unable to do anything wrong. They drained him of everything. What is left now? Gilbert tell me what is there left of him?" Alfred practically begged.

I was expecting something different. "He is still kind. He pours his heart out. His heart is untouched. He is still strong, that's how he has lasted this long. He still cares. They may have tampered with his head and his body yet he faces the world head on. He's still the same person you knew, just is hidden."

Alfred nodded. "Thanks. The old Mattie is still in there?"

"Ja, still there." I answered.

Alfred nodded. "Bye." He walked off.

.

(Matthew's POV)

After I went home, got my usual 'treatment', and made the asshole dinner, I lay in 'bed' staring at the ceiling.

Things are going so fast I can't keep up anymore. Tomorrow is the last day of school this week.

My eyes close and I drift off into another restless sleep.

.

* * *

**Review.**


	17. Chapter 16

**Sorry I couldnt update yesterday my mom took away my computer and i cant update on my nook. Its the only thing i cant do on that thing...**

**here ya go.**

**Warnings: Child abuse cutting ect..**

**I dont own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 16: Suprising Occurance

(Gilbert's POV)

After chatting to Arthur, Francis, and Antonio, I went to sleep.

.

The next day I made my way to school, hoping to run into Matthew. I had gotten used to walking to school with him. It was nice even though he didn't talk. But I do admit that I miss my friends back in New York. Their loudness would make everything here calm down a bit. The tenseness kept growing day after day. It was suffocating.

A couple minutes later I see Birdie walking down the sidewalk. I catch up to Matt and fall into step next to him.

"Hallo Birdie. How are you?" I ask him.

Matthew nods.

"Good." I began thinking about what I was thinking earlier, about my old friends.

"Hey Birdie?"

Matthew looked to me.

"I had awesome friends back in New York, you've met them." I said, mentioning the time when Matt was with me video chatting with my friends.

Matthew nodded, looking interested.

"Well did you know that Francis has been crushing on Arthur since freshman year and Arthur doesn't know." I snickered.

Matt made a gesture telling me to go on.

"Well... Arthur also likes both Francis and Alfred... he can't decide though. He still denies it." I smirked. "Alfred also cuddles with a Captain America plushy at night too."

Birdie giggled at that.

"He also has dolls of the X-men and the Avengers. He says they're 'action figures' though." I put quotes on 'action figures'. "And his bed sheets are the American Flag. Antonio love tomatoes so much that he eats them like they're apples. While Francis loves French vine. Ve used to get drunk like every Saturday."

Matthew raised an eyebrow at the last comment.

"Ve vould usually trash Toni's place and vatch Arthur sing drunkenly. Arthur is no good drunk, but hella funny." I snickered.

We saw Courtney High and split off to go to our separate classes.

First period flew by in the blink of an eye. Well considering I slept the entire time and was woken by Lovino kicking the back of my seat, hard. He's in my class?

Second period went along too with no problems, kind of. A crazy chick ran in and pounced on Ivan screaming, 'Marry me brother!' or something like that...

Why am I going through my periods? The next ones went fine. There.

Lunch time.

I dragged Alfred with me and sat down next to Birdie in his usual corner.

Alfred was a little reluctant to though. It took some force to get him.

"Hallo Birdie." I leaned back against the wall.

"Hi." Alfred grinned. He probably was trying to act normal for Matt, considering what he knows about him.

Matthew nodded in greetings.

"So Alfred, how vas New York vithout me?" I awesomely asked.

"Lets just say that Saturdays weren't as fun as they were before." Alfred laughed. "It's not the same without you singing along to The Queens on the dinner table drop-dead drunk."

I laughed too. "Or me and you chasing down a drunk Artie and putting him in only an apron and vatching him dance around."

"Or trying to do a three way tango with a broom." Alfred added.

"Or trying to stop Francis from running around naked." I supplied.

"And keeping Arthur from raping 'flying mint bunny'." Alfred laughed.

"While you dress in only underwear and a cape." I added.

"And Toni sings a Spanish lullaby really loudly and gets his turtles stuck in the toilet." Alfred follows.

"Vhile Ve skip down the street..."

"Singing off-key at the top of our lungs..."

"Vaking up all of the neighbors..."

"And being chased by the annoying Black Labrador..."

"All the vay to the lake..."

"And being forced to jump in..."

"To get away from the demon dog." We both began laughing, remembering what we used ta do.

I noticed Matt looking at us like we had lost our minds.

"Sorry Birdie, we just couldn't help ourselves." I calmed my laughing.

He shook his head, amused.

"Ve had a lot of fun. Though half of it was random shit."

We spent most of lunch like that, just Alfred and I talking with Matthew supplying his opinion through gestures and head nods.

Near the end of lunch an announcement came on:

_"Matthew Williams to the front office. Matthew Williams to the front office." _It cut off.

Matt looked confused by this.

"Vhy did they call you up Birdie." I asked him.

He shook his head, bewildered.

"I think you need to go up Mattie." Alfred suggested.

Matthew nodded. He tugged on my sleeve.

"Vhat?" I asked.

He pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote on it. He showed me it.

_Can you speak to them for me since I don't speak? _

I read it and nodded

"Ja. I'll speak for you." I began getting up and headed towards the front office. Mattie close behind.

We went into the office and up to the desk.

"You asked for Matthew Williams?" I spoke to the woman behind the desk.

She looked up. "Yes. Are you him?"

"Nein. That's Maddhew. " I pointed to Matt. "He doesn't speak so I vill communicate for him."

The woman nodded. "Go into the room behind me. It's something urgent."

Urgent? What could be so urgent?

The two of us walked into the room she had shown us. Inside sat the principal at his desk. He motioned for us to sit down in the chairs in front of him.

"We have some bad news. It might be hard to explain it though..." The principal trailed off.

"Vhat is it?" I asked curiously.

"Have you boys heard of a copycat killer?" He looked at us.

We both shook our heads.

What do copycat killers have to do with Matthew?

"They are killers that model or copy off of past killers or criminals." He rubbed his eyes.

"Exactly forty minutes ago Matthew's house burned down." He looked at Matt with sorrow. "Matthew's foster parents were killed by a copycat killer that was copying the same killer that killed Matthew's birth dad and step mom."

Time seemed to slow down.

Matthews hand wrapped around my left wrist. He squeezed with all his might. Probably foreseeing what was next.

"The killer burned down his house and killed himself within it." The principal finished.

Matthew's other hand gripped his bear, hard. He bit his already hurt lip.

"I know this is a shock. You might need to cool down for a bit before someone takes you to see your house-" The principal faltered. "Or what's left of it."

"Okay." I felt Mattie hold on for dear life onto me as we made our way out of the school and to the side.

I faced Matt. He probably didn't know how to react to this. After all his foster parents have done to him he should be relived. On the other hand though it was the only home he's known for the past 9 years. Who knows how much inner turmoil he's going through.

Tears spilled over his eyes and he sank to the ground.

I followed suit and sat in front of him. He had his eyes shut. His breaths became quick and short. He seemed to be panicking.

"Birdie calm down." I held his shoulders.

"Come on Birdie calm down. Your going to have a panic attack." It didn't seem to be helping.

Matt was loosing air and wavered in his spot.

I needed to do something fast.

With one last thought I forced my lips onto his.

His body went rigid as I kissed him.

I broke the kiss and pulled him to my chest.

"It's alright. Stay calm." I gently rocked him back and forth.

* * *

**Review.**


	18. Chapter 17

**I know its a bit late I was a t Sea Cadets over ta weekend... if ya dont know what it is ten look it up.**

**Warnings: Death foster parents**

**I dont own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 17: Death

(Matthew's POV)

What just happened?

I felt myself melt into Gilbert's embrace as he held me.

Did he just kiss me? Why did he do it? It did feel kind of nice and stopped my erratic breathing. Stop it! Don't think about that kind of stuff! I have more things to worry about. Like how my foster parents are dead.

A copycat killer. One that based himself off of the killer that killed my birth dad and step mom. It was just by chance that he killed them. Now that they are no more does that mean that I am free? I won't have to deal with the pain anymore or the torture. Why am I dreading so much? I should be leaping with joy and yet I'm crying my eyes out. Is it because I was in that hell hole for so long that I became accustomed to it? Am I afraid to break the usual routine that I've been going through? Have I become attached to the piece of shit that I was supposed to call home? Will the nine years let go? Why is this so confusing?!

My fingers clung to Gil's shirt.

What will I do? I'll need to see what was left of my house. I don't know if my sanity can take it. I feel so useless in the hands of fate.

"I know it's confusing." Gilbert whispered to me. "Birdie ve'll have to go soon so keep steady." He continued to whisper to me. Trying to soothe my jumbled thoughts.

I pulled away ever so slightly to look up at him. I wiped my eyes. I held back the rest of my tears and blinked. I slightly nodded.

"Are you okay for now?" He asked, still keeping his voice low.

I nodded again.

"We need to go now."

I looked up to see the principal standing there.

"The police car is in front." He gestured it the direction of the front of the school.

Gilbert stood up and helped me up by my forearm. He led me to the police car. It reminded me so much of the police car that had pulled up to my burning house years ago.

"You have to go." Gilbert told me.

I didn't want him to leave me alone at the remains at home. I hastily grabbed his sleeve.

"You vant me to come?" He questioned.

I nodded.

"Okay." He slid into the car and I followed.

I never let go of his sleeve the entire way to my house. My grip only tightened the closer we got.

It took half the time that it would take me fast-walking home.

The police man opened up the door. I had my eyes closed. I didn't want to see the ruins.

I stepped out of the car and opened my eyes.

When I did I almost collapsed.

The property stood. Charred and wasted. The concrete foundation still stood but scorched. All of the wood was but ash and glass shards lay sprawled everywhere. Small fires still burned in some places. Smoke wafted up from the rubble. The backyard stood, blackened.

My home from the last nine years was no more.

Somehow this horrified me.

I didn't realize I was shaking until Gilbert had to wrap an arm around me to keep my body from falling.

"This vas your house?" He asked gently.

I nodded. My eyes stayed glued to the mess though. Thousands of thoughts passed through my mind.

A hand covered my eyes and I was turned around.

"Birdie, it's not good for you to keep staring at the destruction." I heard Gil say to me.

I nod and pull his hand away from my eyes. I look up at him and smile as best as I could.

He glances back at where my house once stood and then back to me. Gilbert smiles ever so slightly in reassurance.

"Would you like the details of what happened?" I policeman that had been standing off to the side asked.

I hesitated slightly. Did I want to know the details? Before I could nod or shake my head Gilbert answered.

"Ja."

The policeman nods. "The killers name was Joseph Collinel. He killed Mr. and Mrs. Stolven (John and Syndy) in the same way as the original killer. He barged into the house and trapped the Stolven's in their living room. Joseph then proceeded to shoot them each. The only difference was that instead of only a few shots he fired around twenty four shots. All of them aimed at the Stolven's. He continued firing even after they died. Four went into 's head and the other eight went into her heart, legs, chest, neck and arms. Five shots went into 's own head with the remaining seven going into his stomach, chest, legs, and heart. Soon after Joseph started a fire using a lighter by lighting several lamps and pieces of furniture. He burned the house down with himself inside like the previous killer had." The policeman paused to catch his breath. "We think he had been doing drugs and hanging out with the wrong people and that lead him to doing this."

With every word my hands squeezed tighter and tighter on Gilbert's arm. My fingernails practically broke his skin. My teeth sunk into the inside of my lip and I hung on the words the man said.

"It seems that Matthew is now left homeless and and orphan." The policeman said solemnly. "We will need to wait for the hospital to officially announce Mr. and Mrs. Stolven dead. After that the state will sent Matthew to and orphanage while everything is sorted out. I do not know when the burial will be. For right now we will take you to the hospital. Is that alright?"

I nodded numbly.

"Okay." The policeman walked towards his car.

I feared letting go of Gilbert but loosened my hold as not to hurt him more.

All sounds around me had been muted as Gilbert lead me to the car. I didn't react as he strapped me into the back or him stroking my hair in a comforting way. My body slumped against him as the car made its way to the nearest hospital. I didn't cry though. It seems as if I had cried all my tears for now.

I don't know when we arrived. All I know is that my legs had refused to work and Gil had to carry me in. I now sat in one of the waiting room chairs. Minutes later a nurse walked up and relayed information to Gilbert. I understood nothing but hazy words.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

Those bastards got what they deserved.

It left Birdie in a shocked state though. I had to carry him into the hospital myself. I can't come close to understanding what is going on in Matt's head right now. His reaction to the burnt down house wasn't good. He had been shaking all over and his pupils had dilated as his eyes went wide. After that he just stood, bolted in place, for a while.

I covered his eyes and turned him away.

His eyes held no emotion after that. Nothing at all. Empty pits. It shot an arrow into my heart.

A nurse walked up. she gave a worried glance at Birdie but spoke to me.

"We have the information on Mr. and Mrs. Stolven. They are now officially pronounced dead." She glanced at Matt again but I guess she decided to leave him be. "The details about the burial will be decided later. That is all."

.

* * *

**Review please~**


	19. Chapter 18

**Sorry I had boot camp so I wasn't able to update. It was for sea cadets and I got sick so I was kinda MIA. **

**Warnings: Cutting**

**I dont own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 18: His shock and Gil's discovery

(Gilbert's POV)

"Did you hear that Birdie?" I asked the emotionless boy that leaned against me.

He didn't respond or acknowledge that I was talking.

"Birdie. Please answer me." I gently rubbed his back trying to get a response.

Nothing.

"Birdie." I tried again. I was starting to get nervous. He's over thinking too much. The autopsy didn't help. I was curious of what happened to the bastards. It was so pleasurable the way hey had described the death though.

I really wanted to do it myself but some psycho did it for me. Oh well, they're gone at least.

"Birdie! Come on." I urged again.

Still no answer.

I sighed.

Slowly I got up from my seat and walked over to the front desk of the hospital.

"Excuse me?" I looked at the woman behind the desk.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Is it alright if I take Maddhew to my house so he can sleep and vear off the shock." I kept my voice level and pushed back the worry until I got home.

"Since we still need to make arrangements with everything, is it alright if you take him in for a couple days until everything is sorted?" She glanced at Mattie.

"Ja. It's fine." I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to my brother, telling him to pick me up. I slipped it back and turned once again to the nurse. "Mein bruder is picking us up."

She nodded. "Could you give us your full name, house number, land line number, and e-mail?" She set a paper and pen in front of me. "It's so we can contact you when all the information comes in."

I nodded and wrote down all the necessary information. When I was done I asked the lady what time it was.

"Around 1600 hours now." She answered and took the information from me.

I nodded.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I read the text from my brother. He said that he was coming to pick Matt and I up and would be here in 5 minutes. He also said that Feli was joining him. I flipped the phone closed and put it back in my pocket.

"Mein bruder vill be here soon." I then walked back to the emotionless Matt.

It hurt me so bad to see him like this. My steps stayed level and I bent down in front of Mattie. I brought my hand up and set it on his shoulder. No reaction.

"Birdie." I gently whispered. "Ludwig vill be here soon. You are going to live vith me for a bit ja?" I cupped his cheek and sighed. "It's been a long day Birdie. You need some rest."

My fingers slid through his hair, brushing the loose strands out of his face. Letting out a breath I sat next to him until my brother drove up in a beaten truck.

I don't really know why he had a truck. It most likely came from our garage.

Like how Matt and I arrived at the hospital, I picked him up bridal style and walked out to the vehicle. I knocked on the door with my foot and Ludwig stepped out.

"Vhat-" He cut himself off when he saw Matthew.

I gave him a look that said; 'I'll explain later'.

He nodded and opened up one of the doors of the truck and I slid in.

Feliciano stayed unusually quiet on the way to my house. It took minutes to get there but still a large landmark for him.

Without saying anything I stepped out of the truck and carried Mattie inside of the house. The entire way Matt had been clenching onto his bear.

Inside I walked down to my bedroom and sat Birdie on my black and white bed. I lifted his head onto my pillow and covered him with my blanket.

"Sleep now Birdie und I'll figure something out." I slid his eyelids closed. "Just sleep." I muttered and started to leave.

I headed to the living room and found Ludwig and Feli sitting on the couch. Their eyes were on me.

"Bruder vhat vas that about? Vho vas that?" His eyes never changing.

"That vas Maddhew. Remember? You met him." I was annoyed that he didn't bother to think more about who Birdie was, but I was even more worried about Matt's current mental shock.

"Ve..." Feli breathed out, concern in his eyes. "Why was Matteo like that Gilly?" Feliciano wrung his hands.

"It's a long story..." I glanced at the door to the basement.

"Explain. You text-ed me to come get you from the hospital. The least you can do is tell us vhat is going on." Ludwig demanded.

"Ja." I slumped back into the couch in front of them. "Vell you see... Birdie's foster parents vere murdered." I started and waited for a reaction.

Feli covered his mouth with his hand. Ludwig gestured for me to continue.

"His foster parents vere... bad. They ... abused him..." I looked off to the side.

"They did what...?" Feliciano said to himself.

"They would hurt him. I have seen the damage." I said solemnly, remembering the bleeding skin on Birdie's neck.

"The damage? How bad?" Ludwig questioned.

"Really bad. I think it got worse though." I ran my fingers along my neck. "Right here he has wounded skin."

Ludwig nodded.

I looked to see Feli crying. "How could someone do that." He wiped away the tears. "It's not right."

"I know it isn't." I answered. "He seems to be in mental shock or something. He won't respond."

Ludwig nodded. "Vhy is he here though?"

"Because he needs a place to stay until all the legal shit is fixed out." I shook my head. "This is the only place he can go. As far as I can tell he has no close relatives except Alfred und even then there is a lot to sort out."

"There must be." Ludwig rubbed his forehead. "He can stay here for now. Mutter and Vater are out for a couple days."

"Danke. I'll see if Birdie has fallen asleep yet." I stood up and headed down to my room.

Matt was still in the same place I had left him.

I looked over his small frame and saw that there was a bit of gauze sticking out of his sleeve. Why would it be there? I had a bad feeling and slowly lifted back his sleeve of the large sweatshirt he wore.

Similar gauze and blood stains were around his wrists, just like around his neck.

My fingers shook. Why would he not tell me about his wrists?

Ever so slowly I started to unwrap his left wrist. My hands yanked back like Matt was on fire.

His wrist held the same rubbed-raw skin like his neck but also slashes muddled his forearm.

Tears fell from my eyes.

What does Birdie do to himself?

* * *

**Review**


	20. Chapter 19

**Okay... First my keyboard stopped working for a week and a half so i had ta Pm and email on my ipod and then I had midterms until now so I had no time to write and i just finished them today and am getting this in... I promise the next update will be on time... My keyboard hates me by the way...**

**Warnings: Cutting, child abuse... ect**

**I dont own Hetalia...**

* * *

Chapter 19: ... no title again

(Gilbert's POV)  
I stood. Frozen in place.

A tear dropped to the floor.

That one question wouldn't slip from my mind.

'What does Birdie do to himself?'

Over and over it rolled around in my head. The same mantra. I could only conclude one thing. Matthew hurts himself because of his foster parents. It's the only thing that fits into the past situations. His foster parents are dead now though. He won't be able to break the habit anytime soon without help though.

This is a big problem.

"Verdammit Birdie!" My shaky fingers ran through my hair. "This gets harder by the second."

I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket.

I shook my head and took one last look at Matt before walking out of my bedroom.

My thoughts didn't wain though. So many things had passed through my head that I didn't think it was even possible for me to think.

I closed my eyes for a second before letting them open again. This is too confusing. I needed to calm down.

Without a word to Feli or Ludwig, who were watching tv but I could tell they were still thinking about what I had told them, I threw myself face down onto the couch and tried to fall asleep.

It took me 10 minutes but I was able to fall into a rough sleep, the tv lulling away everything.

.

.

.

(Matthew's POV)

Everything had been blurry. My senses had cancelled out each other. I couldn't hear anything around me. I couldn't feel my limbs. I could vaguely make out my self being taken somewhere but that was it. I know nothing after that.

To top it all off, my mind was a muddled mess.

Without even realizing it I started drifting off. My mind frame stopped.

.

(Ludwig's POV)

I didn't know what to think when my brother text-ed me saying he needed to be picked up from the hospital. I would have normally thought the idiot got himself into a fight and got 'unawesomley' hurt. I didn't expect to find him coming out with a small blond boy in his arms. I didn't expect him to tell me all the things he did.

The boy... Matthew, didn't seem like he was in the best of shape either. He lacked the ability to talk and now is unable to register anything. What a strange kid he is.

I sat with Feliciano 'watching' the TV though i could tell he was as confused as I. I wonder if Gilbert felt this way when he found out?

Sighing, I tried to concentrate on what was on the TV.

I heard the door to the basement creak open and the shuffling of feet. I looked over to see a very distressed Gilbert flinging himself onto the couch and not looking up. What could have made him like that in such a short amount of time? He only went down to check on...um... Matthew! That's his name. In a few minutes Gilbert was in a soundless sleep. I shook my head and got up to get a blanket for the idiot. It didn't look like he was going to wake up anytime soon. I pulled out a blanket from the closet and covered my brother.

It hasn't been a week yet and he already has gotten caught up in something.

I returned to my seat. It's hard to understand my brother. One moment he's yelling about there not being enough wurst the next he wants beer. It's like he's bipolar.

Feliciano probably got anxious from being in one place for too long because he suddenly got up saying "Ve~ I'll go make dinner!"

Cooking always had calmed him down. Soon the smell of penne and chicken filled the air. I wasn't feeling hungry but I might as well eat.

Throughout dinner Feliciano rambled on like normal, obviously happy from cooking, and went on about a cute cat he saw the other day. His topics switched back and fourth through many topics. i listened until I had finished my food and helped the Italian clean up the dishes.

Though i hate to say it, I was worried about Gilbert and... Matthew. I think there is more going on than what's on the surface. And even though they can't see it yet I can tell they had already fallen for each other. I wasn't worried about that though. Just on how the broken boy would deal with it. My brother isn't easy to live with. I should know.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Feliciano wrapped himself around my arm and started begging me to play Monopoly with him. His eyes practically begged me. He needed something to get his mind off of things. He never likes angst and it's hard to shake it from his mind.

"Ja." I agreed. "I'll play."

.

(Gilbert's POV)

I woke up the next morning to someone shaking my shoulder.

I didn't want to get up. I was still tired and wanted more sleep.

I felt the person shove me and the next place I was, was **(A/N Double Negatives~) **the floor.

"Ficken Hündin!" I cursed. "Vhy did you do that?!"

"Because you need to get up Bruder." Ludwig nudged me with his foot.

"I don't vanna! It's Saturday! Let me sleep!" I pulled the blanket over myself. Where the fuck did the blanket come from?

"Breakfast is almost ready. And doesn't ... Maddehew need food too?"

Shit. I forgot about Mattie. In a second I was up and I ran down to my room. I was relived to find that Matt hadn't fallen off the bed in the middle of the night or something horrible. He actually hadn't moved at all.

I spotted his still unwrapped wrist. I had forgotten to wrap the gauze again before I had left the other day.

I secured the gauze around his damaged wrist. I still couldn't faze the thoughts about what drove him to do this.

When I was done I wondered if Matt had shaken off the shock from yesterday. If he hasn't I won't know what to do.

Ever so gently I put my hand on his shoulder and shook him slightly.

"Birdie. You need to get up." I shook him a bit more.

His eyes gently cracked open and my heart lifted. He was okay... Well at least for now.

His eyes flickered in recognition and then they widened. In a flash Matt had wrapped his arms around my torso. He buried his face in my shirt.

"It's okay. Your at my house." I petted his hair. "Food is ready if you vant some."

Birdie nodded and I smiled.

The day just started and something good happened. That is a miracle.

.

* * *

**Review...**

**Translations:**

**Ficken-(German) Fuck**

** Hündin- (German) Bitch**

**Bruder- (German) Brother**


	21. Chapter 20

**Here...**

**Warnings- usual stuff**

**I dont own hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 20: Feli likes cats

(Matthew's POV)

I felt someone shake me. That oh so familiar voice broke into my mind.

"Birdie, You need to get up."

Gil? What? I opened my eyes and they met crimson orbs.

I immediately wrapped my arms around him. I buried my face into his chest. I'm not dreaming.

"It's okay. Your at my house." I felt him run his fingers through my hair. "Food is ready if you vant some."

I nodded. Food sounded good after all that has happened. I bit my lip as i remembered my blanked-out state. How I wanted to control my mind but I couldn't. Tears welled in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. My grip on him tightened.

"Ich bin so froh, dass du in Ordnung mein Vögelchen." He whispered. I didn't understand the words but they comforted me.

I relaxed my grip a bit.

"Before breakfast do you need some clothes? Yours are filthy." I listened to him and realized that yes my clothes were really dirty and kind of gross.

I nodded. I really didn't want him to go through the trouble of gettig me clothes. He has done enough already.

As I knowing what I was thinking he spoke. "You can borrow some clothes from me. Take vhatever you vant, I von't take no for an answer. Birdie, I am going upstairs. Just meet me up there vhen you are done." He slowly stood up and I let go.

Gilbert left up the stairs and closed the door, leaving me alone. I could hear the faint sounds of conversation going on from somewhere above me.

I walked over to an old dresser in the corner. Random things were sprawled across its top. I hadn't the slightest idea where his shirts or pants were. I decided to start from the top and opened the first drawer. I shut it almost immediately Why did Gilbert have to keep his underwear in the first drawer I opened? And why did a pair of his boxers have Gilbird's on them? I tried to banish the mental pictures and hesitantly opened up the next drawer. I was relived when I saw that this drawer contained jeans, sweatpants and shorts. I chose a pair of grey sweatpants ans moved on to the next drawer. This one contained... Lego's? He had a giant drawer filled with Lego's? I shut that drawer and opened the next. This one had, even weirder, pennies. Yes, about 100 pennies in his drawer, that's not all, he kept his socks in there too. With a sigh i closed that one too and opened the last drawer. This one had what I was looking for, shirts. I grabbed a plain black one with long sleeves.

I stripped and put on what I had grabbed.

Gilbert's clothes were huge on me. His shirt touched my mid-thighs and his sweatpants pooled at my feet. I dismissed it, happy to have clean clothes on. I also put on the scarf to cover my neck, I didn't know how much Gilbert had told his brother.

I set my dirty clothes aside and looked around for Kuma. He was no where to be seen. I began to panic. Where was Kuma?! In a flash I ran up the stairs and went in the direction of the kitchen. I needed Kuma.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

Ludwig had been setting out the wurst and eggs, all while wearing a pink apron. Feli sat at the table, bubbling like usual. I had told them that birdie had woken up and was more or less fine, for now. I saw the relief on Ludwig and Feliciano's faces when I had said it.

I currently was playing with a top on the counter, Ludwig telling me to go sit down and get out of his way. Like hell I will.

Suddenly I heard my bedroom door open and someone running out. Matt ran in. He looked panicked and was hyperventilating. I was at his side in a second. I pulled him to my chest and murmured into his ear. What happened?

"Calm down, It's alright. Vhat is troubling you Birdie?" I unconsciously switched to German before snapping at my brother. "Ludwig! Get pen und paper! Now!"

Without question Ludwig grabbed what I asked, clearly surprised at my command. He handed it to me and I set the paper on the counter and put the pen in Matthew's shaking hand.

"Just vrite it so I can help." I spoke in a soothing voice.

He scribbled onto the paper at an alarming rate. I read it over- Bear- it said.

I snapped again at my brother and he ran outside.

I began to rock Matt back and forth. He still wasn't calming down.

A few seconds later Ludwig ran in. I grabbed the stuffed bear from him and shoved it into Matthew's arms.

"There you go Birdie. Sorry for the fright. Ve forgot about it, so just calm down, you are fine." I continued to whisper.

Matthew clutched onto the bear for dear life. He buried his face into the bear's fur. His shaking started to go down.

"Good. Now Birdie are you okay?"

He stiffly nodded.

When I looked up I saw Ludwig and Feli staring at me in shock.

"Vhat?" I was severely confused. Me being caring isn't THAT much of a surprise.

"...Nothing." I could see a flash of something in Feliciano's eyes but I couldn't point out what it was.

I shook my head. "Is breakfast ready?" I let go of Birdie and motioned to the table for him to sit down.

Matthew didn't leave my side, he just stood there , clutching to his bear.

"Ja" Ludwig set down the wurst and fried eggs on the table.

Matthew's head shot up and he stared at the food. I couldn't help but laugh at his expression.

"You gonna stand there und stare at the food or are you going to sit down und eat?" I teased.

Matthew slightly blushed but sat down at one of the chairs and I sat down next to him.

"Take as much as you vant." I grabbed the wurst and piled it onto my plate before handing it to Matt who hesitantly took two.

Ludwig took a seat and Matthew handed him the wurst. Feliciano had gone off into a rant about unicorns and the fact that 'faeries are real'. At this point he sounded a lot like Arthur but with a higher pitched voice and no British accent.

The rest of breakfast went on exactly like that and some other shit.

.

(Feliciano's POV)

Ve~ I was surprised when Gilbert took control of the situation with Matteo with ease. He is never like that. Very lazy and oblivious.

Like a cat.

Kittys~ They are so fluffy and- oh wait... back on topic.

Well even though I have only know Gilly for...um... One... two... three... four...five... Yes! Ve~ five days. I can tell that he likes Matteo. Matteo is the opposite of Gilly. But I guess love works like that. Gilly is the white cat and Matteo is the blond one, they will live together and be happy~

Kitty love~ So cute. Kitties are soft and purrrr. Can Matteo purr?

I don't know.

Ludwig is like a buff kitty and Lovi is like- wait... get back on topic again.

Ve~ Matteo likes Gilly too but doesn't know it yet. He is perfect for Gilly. Even better if he can purr like a cat. But he is quiet like a mouse.

Mouses are so small and adorable an- ... oh...

Well he carries around that stuffed bear and is very interesting.

Gilly is lucky to have Matteo. Yay~ Happy love~!

With flowers and sparkles. Like a movie.

Not like that movie Gilly showed me. There was blood and a scary guy with a chainsaw! I hid under the couch ve~ It is safe under the couch-... Ve~ I need to stop getting off topic... I keep getting distracted.

Oooooohhhhhh... shiny fork!

* * *

**This is what happens when I get bored... I insert Feli... **


	22. Chapter 21

**Hi**

**Warnings- Usual stuff**

**I dont own Hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 21: News

After breakfast Luddy went to wash the dishes, Feli close behind.

I had headed to my room with Matt when my phone rang. I pulled it out and saw that i didn't know the person that was calling me. I pressed the talk button and held the phone up to my ear.

"Hallo, you have reached awesomeness." I answered.

I was met with an oh-so-cheery voice.

"Is this Gilbert~?"

"Ja, Vhat is it?" I opened the door the my room and plopped down onto the bed.

"Well it is concerning Matthew." The sound of rustling papers came from the other end.

"Und vhat about him?" I felt weight shift beside me and purple orbs met mine.

"Since Matthew is now an orphan,he will have to go to an orphanage and be readopted." She told me.

I nodded. I had already expected this much. "Vhich orphanage?" I kept my cool even though I didn't want my Birdie out of my sights.

At the sound of 'orphanage', Matthew clung to my arm. I looked to him and pet his hair, trying to calm him.

After some more paper ruffling on the other line she answered. "Oh just the local one~!" She chirped. "It doesn't really have a name though just 'Orphanage', too lazy to come up with a name if you ask me~!"

"Ja, I can look it up." My fingers felt through Matt's tangled locks.

"Great! Would it be much trouble for you to bring him there for us?" She questioned.

" Sure, but I do have one question." I sat up.

Matthew was next to me, listening intently and hanging on every word we said. He looked nervous and clung to his bear. He looked so cute like that.

"Oh What is it?"

"Vill he still stay in the school system?" I felt Matthew shift slightly closer to me.

"Oh yes yes! Since the orphanage is local he will still go to the same school, just will be dropped off and picked up by one of the workers!" She hummed and the flipping of even more papers was heard.

"Now," She started again. "Is 3 hours enough to bring him over?" She asked.

I looked to Matt, my eyes asking him a silent question.

He nodded.

"That vill be fine. Is that all?" I was ready to get this call over with. I hated sending him to an orphanage almost as much as I hate the fact that he was living with those pieces of scum.

"Make sure Matthew has what he needs and we will fill you in on things when you get here, that is all~!" The woman replied, still chipper.

I hit the end button on the phone and shoved it in my pocket.

"Vell Birdie, you heard most of that right und get the picture?"

He nodded and looked up to me. Matthew made a motion with his hand and scribbled in the air. He looked to me to see if I understood.

I thought for a bit before finally getting it. That's it! Paper and pen! I reached over onto my night stand and grabbed a crumpled up paper (Probably my report card) and a dull pencil. I turned to paper over and handed the two things to Matt.

Birdie took them and began etching down words. Once done, he handed it to me.

I read- _Will I still see you?-_

I looked up at him.

"Of course Birdie! I vould never leave you!" I was shocked that he would even think that I would go anywhere.

.

(Matthew's POV)

I was worried as I listened to the conversation that Gilbert was having to the person over the phone about me.

I didn't want to leave Gil. I would be back at an orphanage all over again. Too many bad memories were in an orphanage. I-I just didn't want to see Gilbert go.

It took all of me to not cry.

I kept listening to Gil. He talked so calmly but I could see worry in his eyes. I didn't want to be away from what I felt was safe. Gilbert was safe. That is all I know.

Soon, he finished the call. I wanted to ask him what I had been thinking. To reassure that I would be safe. That he would still be there.

I made a writing motion, hoping that he would understand. Thankfully he did and I had a piece of paper in my hands. I sloppily wrote out my message and gave it to him. I watched for his reaction.

I watched his eyes widen in shock. "Of course Birdie! I vould never leave you!"

I felt relieved. I hugged him, suddenly happy.

His voice broke the silence though. "Birdie ve have to tell Alfred you know?"

I had entirely forgotten about my brother. How would he act due to this sudden change?

"Ve should call him before I take you to _there_." He began petting my head again. "You can listen in."

I nodded into his chest.

I felt him pull out his phone. The small beeping of numbers being pushed soon followed. i heard it ring twice before Gil spoke.

"Hallo, Alfred, I have something to tell you."

.

(Alfred's POV)

I had not seen Gilbert or Mattie since they had been called out of school yesterday. I had gotten worried and had no where to turn to since I had gotten here and only trusted the two.

I was currently lying on my bed and bouncing a ball against the wall. Over and over. I couldn't keep my thoughts away from everything that has happened since I got here.

Suddenly I heard the united States National Anthem play. I hefted myself off the bed and grabbed my phone off my dresser. I opened it up and pressed it to my ear.

"Hallo, Alfred, I have something to tell you." It was Gilbert and I could tell that this wasn't a courtesy call.

"Yo dude!" I exclaimed. "What happened yesterday?"

It couldn't be good because I heard him pause.

"Vell, Birdie has, he has been put up for adoption." His words rang in my ears.

Why? What happened? Did Mattie get seriously hurt?

"What?" I chocked a bit.

"Hi-his foster parents vere killed..."

"Wait! WHAT?!" Then I actually thought about it. "Those bastards deserved it!"

"Vell Birdie will be living at the 'Orphanage' until he is adopted or put into foster care again..." Gilbert told me.

"Okay." I thought it over. Not many people want older children. They normally want the toddlers and babies. Matthew would have a very slim chance of being adopted. I had to do something about it.

Gilbert spoke again. "I just vanted to tell you."

"Ya, I understand, bye." I shook my head. So many scenarios went through my brain. I hung up the phone as Gil said, "Goodbye."

I needed to bring Mattie to my side once again like it was when we were younger.

* * *

**Review...**


	23. Chapter 22

**Hiyya... i am posting this at 0000, (US eastern time)**

**Warnings- usual**

**I dont own hetalia**

* * *

Chapter 22: Alfred

(Alfred's POV)

I threw my phone onto the bedside table. Yes. I _needed _Mattie as my brother again. Even though we were related by blood it still doesn't feel as if we are as close as we used to be.

I sat back against my bed and pondered all the scenarios that I could make.

Well maybe I can get Toni to make a laser ray that brainwashes people!

Or maybe have Toni take out all the orphanages in the US so Mattie doesn't have to go!

Or the hero me could swoop in and steal him away! Like in the movies!

Or maybe convince the ghosts to... WAIT NO! TOO SCARY!

Unknowingly I have jumped in fright and fallen to the floor with a crash.

"OW!" I groaned. "Dumb ghosts!"

I looked when I heard my bedroom door creak open.

"Are you alright Alfred?" Lilly stood in the doorway, my adoptive mother.

I still call her 'mom', same as I call my adoptive dad, 'dad'. They treat me just like my actual parents. I still miss my parents but I have learned to just hold onto their memory and not to mourn. Lilly and Tom took me every year to see my parents' graves.

"Huh?" I tilted my head back more to see her due to the fact that I was laying on my back with my bed sheets tangles around me. "Uh well the ghosts were going to kill me!" I explained. It should be obvious right?

She let out an aspirated sigh. "There are no ghosts Alfred."

"Yes there are!" My eyes widened and I waved my arms about. "They are after everyone!"

"Alfred, you seem more jumpy than usual." She bent down to help me untangle myself from the demon sheets.

"Well..." I trailed off, wondering if I should tell her.

Well maybe she could help! YES! She can help the Hero get Mattie back.

"Do you remember Mattie, the Hero's younger brother" I questioned, sitting up.

Lilly paused and looked deep in thought. "Oh.." She murmured to herself. "What about him?" She sat down next to me, her eyes full of question.

"He was in a foster home in the area and his foster parents were killed..." I looked at her.

"Oh my, Alfred, what does this have to do with us?" She gave off a worried vibe.

I grinned. I had her attention! "Well I was thinking that Tom and you could adopt him! Gil called an said that he was committed to the orphanage nearby"

A moment of realization struck her features. She stayed silent longer than I would have liked. After agonizing seconds she finally spoke.

"Alfred, I don't think we would be able to take care of Matthew. I'm sorry." She looked truly remorseful.

"But mom..." I whispered.

This can't be! I need Mattie. I need him here! As my brother. He can't be left alone in an orphanage! He just can't be!

My mind screamed at me. I stared forward.

"Please" The word fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. Tears slipped down my cheeks at the thought of loosing Mattie again.

I think I heard a faint. 'I'm sorry' and someone hugging me before the warmth was gone.

What will happen if I loose him like this? H-he is already broken as it is. He's too fragile at the moment! Anything could shatter him! His mentality was hanging by a single thread. I-I could be the reason of his downfall. My Mattie!

I clutched my head as the tears kept coming.

Please let me have Mattie.

.

(Gilbert's POV)

"It's time to go." I whispered to Matt.

He looked at me to signal that he understood.

"Luddy is driving us over there because he thinks the awesome me vould break his vehicle."

Matt giggled slightly.

He looked worn. It was still better than the shape he was in before.

I ruffled his hair. "It's time to go." I smiled at him.

Birdie picked up his bag and his bear, both of the things he seemed to always keep with him.

He trailed me out to Luddy and his car. Oh how Ludwig loved his car, took care of it like a human being.

Ludwig merely nodded at us.

We loaded in and drove off. I had no idea where the orphanage is but Luddy probably looked it up.

-Time skip 15 minutes-

The car had been eerily quiet the entire ride and I was getting, ever so slightly, claustrophobic.

I breathed the air as I hopped out of the enclosed area of the car. I waited for Matt to get out and looked at the slightly new building. The word 'orphanage' painted across the front. It looked pretty decent but I still did't want to leave my Birdie here. I didn't ever want him out of my sights, but sometimes things don't work that way.

I looked down when a hand grabbed onto mine. Matthew was blushing as he held my digits.

We walked towards the building. It seemed to leer despite the nice exterior. I hated the structure.

Once at the doors Matt stopped in his tracks.

I looked at him. "Vhat is it?" I stroked his hand with my thumb.

He looked at me, worry clear in his eyes. He had a right to be worried though.

"Nothing vill happen like the last time you vere at an orphanage." I assured him.

He simply nodded.

"I vill visit and you von't be lonely."

.

(Matthew's POV)

I put my complete trust in him with this.

I hoped that he did too.

We walked through the doors that would be my new 'home' for the time being.

.

* * *

**Ya I know it is short. Review**


End file.
